365 Days of Finding My Voice

Posted on June 27, 2012 by

When I was a little girl, I was terribly shy. Talking to most people was a physical impossibility for me – I’d rather hide behind a tree than have to speak to my friend’s parents as they opened their door. I was perfectly content burying myself in library books, finding great adventures through someone else’s life stories.

It was amazing to me, as I started my teaching career, that I could actually stand in front of people – children and adults – and actually say something that people wanted to hear. I still have those moments, honestly, when I look out at my classroom in amazement that every eye is on me. Kind of makes me shudder sometimes.

Contrary to many childhood lessons, being shy is not a disability.  There are benefits, of course, but it takes a great deal of self-reflection to discover them.  Shyness means that one can step back, observe situations, and hopefully think before speaking.  Being shy is a great quality for people watching – one of my favorite hobbies.  And of course, being shy allows us to create our own thoughts and opinions without having to share them with anyone else – which would create an opportunity for making a mistake.

First-born children, like me, are somehow inbred to be perfect. Just ask my sister, who came only 13 months behind me.  No matter what I did, it was always subject to great scrutiny as the ‘golden child’.  That’s a mighty high reputation to uphold, for sure.

Living life as a shy, first born of first-borns created an inner determination to break the cycle with my own first-born.  Wanting so desperately for my daughter to have her own voice, however, was really what allowed me to find my own.  

Suddenly I couldn’t hide anymore-I was someone’s mom.  I needed to be the one to speak, teach, and nurture the little voice I had created.  At times, her ‘voice’ nearly deafened me in those early days, but as she grew, we blossomed together.  We both learned to ask for what we wanted, demand what we needed, and express our feelings and beliefs clearly.

So last summer when I let loose this blog, my voice was born.  Surely, it was shaky at best, but it stumbled out of me and landed firmly on the page and kept tumbling and somersaulting and back flipping until before I knew it, I was a writer.  Thousands of others, some as introverted as I, were hearing my voice.  

Over the last 365 days, I’ve learned to trust it, listen to it, and share it.  I’ve learned to pause, ponder and pour it out onto the page.  I’ve learned to watch and heed the commentary it produces, to observe the emotions it creates, and to suspend that inner critic who cautions me that I’m treading on the brink of disaster.

Now that I have a little girl, I’m not so shy.  Talking to most people is not a physical impossibility anymore – as long as I can let my fingers do it for me.

http://www.pasta-recipes.com

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYelp

Comments: 21

  • thegirlfriendmom

    July 13, 2012

    Like you said, being shy allows you to sit back and observe. Too many gregarious people are too busy talking, they can never hear what someone else is saying. Finding ones voice has to be one of those rites of passage moments. Brava!

    Reply
    • Jennifer Wolfe

      July 13, 2012

      I agree with you. It’s unfortunate that so often the ‘squeaky wheel gets the grease”, but I’ve found that if I’m not the one always shouting out, when I do use my voice more people listen. Thanks for commenting!

      Reply
  • Nikky44

    July 13, 2012

    I am also first child and was always so shy. I still am and instead of speaking for my children, they are often the ones doing it for me

    Reply
    • Jennifer Wolfe

      July 13, 2012

      Nikky, thanks for commenting. It seems that you’re teaching your kids how to use their voice – that’s a good thing!

      Reply
  • Sharon Ruggieri

    June 29, 2012

    Atta girl! I’m the oldest with a younger brother who’s also 13 months behind me and there’s not a shy bone in our bodies.

    Of my 6 kids, 1 is shy and 1 is an introvert and I’m telling ya, it’s amazing and educational to watch them grow next to their siblings.

    You have an amazing voice my dear

    Sharon

    Reply
    • Jennifer Wolfe

      June 29, 2012

      Sharon, I figured as much about you…you’re way too sassy to be shy! I look forward to more conversations!

      Reply
  • Carla Karam

    June 28, 2012

    Jennifer… I would have never thunk! 😉 I too was shy and over came it. I would have to agree with you that it was my children I had to speak up for. As moms we have to. Way to go. Congratulations on your continued journey … because it never ends.

    Reply
  • Perspective Parenting

    June 28, 2012

    So beautifully worded Jennifer. I, for one, am so glad you use your voice to inspire the rest of us. Happy One Year!

    Reply
    • Jennifer Wolfe

      June 28, 2012

      Thank you! I’m so happy to have met so many wonderful writers like you along this journey!

      Reply
  • Pamela

    June 28, 2012

    Wow congrats on getting to 365 days, wonderful, I hope you keep going for this year!

    Reply
    • Jennifer Wolfe

      June 28, 2012

      Pamela, thank you! I’m definitely going to keep going…I feel like I’m just getting to first gear!

      Reply
  • David C. Burton

    June 28, 2012

    Throughout much of the TGC process, especially my own jumping into blogging, you’ve been an inspiration! Congrats on the successes you’ve found over these 365 days. I wish you 365 X ??? many more.

    Reply
    • Jennifer Wolfe

      June 28, 2012

      Thank you, David. I’m so happy to have met you this year, and am looking forward to our trip – and talking about blogging – in July!

      Reply
  • Savvy Working Gal

    June 28, 2012

    I am a shy person as well. I have run into people from my highschool who tell me their greatest memory of me is how shy I was. I am much, much better now, but still working on my voice. I too think blogging has helped. I loved this post and congrats on one year.

    Reply
    • Jennifer Wolfe

      June 28, 2012

      Thank you! I’m so glad to have another shy friend who is coming out of their shell! Keep on writing-it will be the best thing you ever did.

      Reply
  • brenda

    June 27, 2012

    You keep on stumbling on the blank page with your words, my virtual friend. In you, shyness and all, is a voice clearly meant to sing. Congrats on reaching a year, goes by fast doesn’t it?

    Reply
    • Jennifer Wolfe

      June 28, 2012

      Brenda, thank you for your encouragement. It seems like time does fly…and I’m loving it!

      Reply
  • Michael Ann

    June 27, 2012

    Beautiful! I am not a shy person (as you know) but I have learned that shy people are great to know because they usually are the deepest thinkers. These are the people you can have wonderful discussions with 🙂

    Reply
    • Jennifer Wolfe

      June 28, 2012

      Thanks, Michael Ann. I agree about the deep thinking part – and I like to have friends who aren’t shy to balance me out! Glad one of them is you!

      Reply
  • Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    CommentLuv badge