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Guest Blogger: My Baby Doesn’t Care if I Get My Work Done

Posted on February 2, 2013 by Jennifer Wolfe

Last March, my friend, Justin Cox, wrote a post for mamawolfe just as he and his wife found out they were having a baby. Ten months later, he’s back with a reflection about parenting-from the dad’s point of view.

I wake up early all week long and spend the bulk of my day hovering over a laptop in my apartment. Sometimes I don’t go outdoors until my “shift” ends, which is usually between 4 and 7 p.m., depending on the weight of the news day.

I used to regularly do the bulk of my writing in downtown Davis coffee shops (I’m a news editor), but five months ago, my wife and I had a baby (His name is Noah). Two weeks ago, my wife went back to work as an afterschool program coordinator. She works from 1-4 p.m. Monday through Friday.

During the first few days after my wife went back to work, I found myself bouncing Noah on my knee while scanning local news and attempting to plow right on through my workday. Half of my attention on the job and half of my attention on the baby.

During those three hours, I’m Noah’s sole caretaker. My work production lightens significantly, unless he gifts me a long, deep nap – which very really happens. (Only in the cozy-comfort of my dreams).

As the week unfolded, I learned a lesson. A crying baby can do plenty of teaching, it turns out.

With this in mind, I had to rethink my schedule and alter my approach.Not only was a producing second-rate work during those three distracting hours per day, but I was also acting like a second-rate dad. I was pretty much squandering away this block of high-quality time with my son, who will be bigger tomorrow than he is today. And even bigger than that the next day, because that’s how it works.

I’m really lucky to have a job that allows me to be home, and to bend my hours to accommodate my new family without having to shell out all kinds of money for daycare. Those three hours are something I should be taking advantage of. They’re a very legitimate reason for me to snap my laptop shut for a few hours everyday and get outside, or just lay a blanket across the floor and play with Noah.

Noah outside

Or just keep him from crying, or rock him to sleep, etc.

By the end of last week, I had exchanged my half-assed combo of working and babysitting simultaneously for long walks in the park with Noah strapped to my chest. We stop along the way so Noah can contemplate the skateboarders and the dogs we see along the way. This gets me outside, and it lets Noah have my full attention.

But here’s the ironic part of this new approach: At some point during that walk, he conks out, at which point I walk back home, lay him down in his crib, and go back to my computer to get some work done.

Noah

To see what Justin does when Noah is sleeping, head over to DavisPatch.com, one of the Patch sites he edits.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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reading with mamawolfe: Here I Go Again by Jen Lancaster

Posted on January 31, 2013 by Jennifer Wolfe

Sometimes we all need a break from the rough and tumble reality we call life. Sometimes we just need to stop, slide into position, and crack the spine of a good book. Sometimes, escaping reality into someone else’s life just makes ours seem…much more bearable.

When Jen Lancaster’s new novel Here I Go Again arrived, just one look at the lime green cover made me smile. I could tell this book was going to be fun…and I was right! Just like an umbrella-adorned cocktail sipped poolside, Jen’s novel went down easily-just what I needed before grading stacks of essays, evaluating book projects, and turning in semester grades. I needed something easy to digest, pretty to look at, and, sigh, not too heady.

Here I Go Again shares the story of Lissy Ryder, beginning at her 20 year high school reunion. As she faces the reality she has created for herself, she begins to obsess with her shallow, divorced, out of shape and rock bottom self, and in a Back to the Future like time-travel event, manages to return to her teenage years to ‘reset’ her life. I know, it sounds a bit hokey, but it was entertaining-who hasn’t wanted to do that?

Back to the Future (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At first, I thought the story had taken a dive and nearly stopped reading. But Jen Lancaster’s clever writing, witty language and comforting references to all things early 90s kept me hooked. I began to care about what happened to this pathetic creature! I certainly I knew girls like her in high school-the quintessential “mean girl”, the popular, pretty, never-without-a-date blonde cheerleader type. The kind of girl that, like Lissy, comes back to high school reunions full of faded glory. But somehow, I slid into the story like looking into an old yearbook, each page reminding me of how happy I was to graduate and leave the world of cliques, dating and drama behind.

Here I Go Again tackles the dark side of high school, where each of us struggles to find ourselves in the face of what can seem to be overwhelming daily critiques of our every move. As Lissy says to kids today, “ Save your budding individuality for college…stay with the herd! The herd’s way safer than being out there all by your lonesome with your pink hair and nose ring! Eccentricity is great…but wait until you graduate.” Having been one of those outside the herd, I think she makes a point, but also misses one: being eccentric develops character, something she ultimately learns the hard way. Lancaster’s deft writing allows adult readers to wince in remembrance as well as sit with confidence that not only can we survive the trials in life, but come out exactly where we’re supposed to be.

Lissy’s desire to take a deep look at herself, the choices she made, and how each of our actions has a domino effect on those in our lives, sends a sweet message: we are all connected, and what we do matters. And as the liner notes say, “Karma is the only bitch bigger than she is.”

Jen Lancaster’s novel, Here I Go Again, is definitely worth reading. It’s a good reminder that what goes around, comes around, and we only go around once. Make it worthwhile.

Would you like to read more about Here I Go Again? Please join our online discussion at BlogHer Book Club!

I was compensated for this BlogHer Book Club review but all opinions expressed are my own.

Jennifer Wolfe

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On Blogging, Friendships, and Seizing the Opportunity

Posted on January 28, 2013 by Jennifer Wolfe

Essential oil altar in Tangerang, Indonesia

Last July I wrote a post about turning your dreams into realities. That was right before I set off on my trip to Indonesia, which brought some of my dreams about world travel to life.

Traveling to Indonesia per se wasn’t one of my dreams; rather, it was the embodiment of pushing myself forward into the universe and seizing opportunities that presented themselves to me. When I applied for and received the US Dept. of Education grant to study global education, teaching in a Muslim country was not on my radar. But as the chance to travel to a country I’ve never visited, and likely wouldn’t have chosen on my own, presented itself, I jumped in. I didn’t look for excuses not to, or reasons why I couldn’t go. I just did it.

Inside an Indonesian market

I started my blog in much the same way. Just decided to do it and began sharing my stories, thoughts, and life lessons through my words. I never thought much about blogging before that, but when the opportunity presented itself, I grabbed it.

I got hooked. Life hasn’t been the same since.

Blogging turned into a creative outlet, a launching pad for my dreams, and a platform to meet people all over the world. For an introvert like me, blogging created relationships with women I now can call friends.

Two of those women, Val and Kathy created a website, Bonbon Break, designed to provide a space to share their thoughts, wisdom, humor and ideas with like-minded women. When Kathy contacted me to be one of the first featured writers, I was thrilled to accept. Since then, we’ve grown our friendships and our websites and pushed ourselves forward.

bonbonbreaklogo200

This week I’ve written an original piece for BonBon Break, “Writing Well and the Readers Will Follow“. I hope you’ll jump over and take a look.

You never know what might be waiting there for you that you never imagined!

Jennifer Wolfe

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What Can President Obama’s Inaugural Address Teach America’s Children?

Posted on January 26, 2013 by Jennifer Wolfe

White House, October 2012

I watched President Obama’s inauguration, on the birth date of Martin Luther King, Jr., with a delicious sense of happiness. Parents, educators and American citizens easily make the connection between the two leaders; I began to think about how Obama’s inaugural speech’s messages will leave the same lasting impact on our children as did MLK, and how his ideas of freedom, change, citizenship, equality and character can be used to educate our children.

Obama’s speech sent a message of freedom and ‘limitless possibilities’ for America’s children. He believes that each generation has an obligation to peacefully work towards freedom, and that by working together, using new responses to what was set before us in the Constitution, we can create change. His statement that we can turn enemies into friends represents the essence of how children can begin to learn to create freedom for all.

To create change, Obama asks Americans for commitment. Our children may not understand the ‘it can happen to you’ message, but they do understand that the world is ours to share. Learning about climate change, new ways of creating energy, developing and using new technologies are all ways that as adults we can adjust to our time, and create a future that is sustainable for our children and our children’s children. Obama’s message that ‘together we are stronger’ is a way our children can learn to work together to solve the challenges of our future.

JFK Center for the Performing Arts, Wahington, DC

Citizenship is something we profess to teach in school, but Obama’s speech highlights the necessity of working together as American citizens. As we teach children allegiance to American ideas set forth in the Constitution, we must teach them to work together to understand the power of this obligation, and the hope that can be realized through action. Teaching our children that they don’t always have to agree, but they do have to listen, collaborate and work together.

Children understand the concept of fairness. Obama’s speech addresses the concept of equality as a way to grow our country, and an necessity because we are Americans. He said, ” Our journey is not complete until all our children, from the streets of Detroit to the hills of Appalachia to the quiet lanes of Newtown, know that they are cared for, and cherished, and always safe from harm.” Each of us, regardless of gender, religion, belief, disability, sexuality, or race deserves equality because we are Americans.

Finally, Obama’s inaugural address can teach America‘s children about the concept of character. Our children will inherit the errors and successes of this generation, but by learning the concept of hard work and responsibility will have the necessary tools to conquer the challenges of tomorrow. Obama said, ” And we must be a source of hope to the poor, the sick, the marginalized, the victims of prejudice – not out of mere charity, but because peace in our time requires the constant advance of those principles that our common creed describes: tolerance and opportunity; human dignity and justice.”

What better message can we send to our children: that by working together, and understanding and acting on the concepts of freedom, change, citizenship, equality and character we can not only improve ourselves, but better our future as a nation.

Jennifer Wolfe

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Tolkien, Time, and Why Does It Go So Fast?

Posted on January 23, 2013 by Jennifer Wolfe

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

–J.R.R. Tolkien

The Fellowship of the Ring

Observatories always have scared me a little bit. I’m not sure why, other than my extreme childhood motion sickness that kicked in every time the stars and planets swirled around overhead. I much prefer the real thing. Laying on my back on a wooden dock, looking up at the meteor shower, or watching the sunset from my upstairs window, or witnessing the dawn over the ridge of the Sierras creates much more meaning than seeing the entire universe spin before my eyes.

It’s all about time, though. Stretching my brain big enough to encompass the billions and billions of years our solar system has existed simply exhausts and terrifies me. I was born in the 60s, a time of revolution. A time of possibility. A time of purpose.

So today, in the 21st century, how is it that the exact same number of seconds, minutes and hours that every human has possessed, the precise amount of time, does not constantly fill me with possibility, purpose. or revolution – instead of panic?

Live in the moment. Seize the day. Live every day like it is your last.

I’ve heard them all. We are all busy, busy people. We all have a new day every 24 hours to use as we see fit.

So why is it that my day, which starts well before dawn, never seems long enough? Is that why I’m always running a e message in my mind? Slow down, focus, be in the present, there will be time for that later…

I wish it was as simple as Tolkien said.

I wish all I had to decide was what to do with the time that is given us. I wish that such a simple decision wasn’t so complicated.

I’m great at it in the classroom. I maximize every single second. I don’t believe in wasting one minute of the 55 I get with my students each day.

When the school day ends, and I start my second job at home, I feel the same way. The afternoons and evenings are jam packed with chores, homework, lessons, and a bit of reading, writing, cooking, and the occasional chess game.

Weekends- November to April are in the snow.

Summers? Travel, camps, gardening, and catching up on the neglected issues from the school year.

I wish every second I have could be frozen, duplicated, or held in my heart. I am acutely, painfully aware that the time with my daughter at home is rushing by. My son is on the cusp of all that is good and terrifying about adolescence. It’s not really as simple as Tolkien says.

I tick the hours by; days turn into weeks, then months. Then years. Suddenly, it’s been nearly 18.

Time is more precious now than ever.

Someday soon, I will have more time than I can imagine. Endless hours to decide what to do.

Just not who I want to spend it with.