Friday Photo: At the Center
Posted on October 6, 2012 by Jennifer Wolfe
loving fiercely | teaching audaciously | thinking deeply
Posted on October 6, 2012 by Jennifer Wolfe
Posted on August 18, 2012 by Jennifer Wolfe
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my children growing up and away from us.
When they were born, I never wanted to let them go. Sliding their precious bodies into another’s arms was reserved only for moments desperate for solitude. Sleeping side by side, we monitored their every movement, every breath.
When my son started kindergarten, I was excited. He was so ready to formalize his education – he loved learning, loved socializing, and eagerly anticipated learning Spanish like his big sister had. He smiled all the way to school, and babbled about his adventures all the way home.
When my daughter started middle school, I was elated. Finally, she would be on my campus, and all the regrets I had about not volunteering in her classes or driving on field trips might be soothed by knowing I could see her every day. She immersed herself in friendships, studying, and never missed a dance.
When my son left elementary school, I was saddened. Eleven years spent between the two suddenly evaporated without even being able to take one final bike ride to pick him up from school on the last day. He was so ready to move on with his education – he loved his friends, loved socializing, and couldn’t wait to ride his bike with his friends all the way to the middle school.
When my daughter started high school, I was nervous. This is when it all comes down to the end, the grades, the transcripts, the test scores and college admissions. She would get her driver’s license, go to the prom, and before I knew it, leave home.
The clock in my heart began counting down.
When my son starts middle school this year, I am still half-way holding on. I can’t quite let go, can’t pass him off to what’s next even though I know it will happen despite me. I squeeze my eyes shut and hope for it to happen painlessly, for it to slip through my awareness without having to feel the drop of my heart, the skip of my breath.
I’ve been thinking about them both lately. I’ve been hoping that the days will stretch on endlessly, the mothering will just shape-shift into some kind of form that I can still cling to even when they’re not here. I’m not ready to let them go, not eager for that kind of solitude. I’ve been trying to cast every moment in bronze, and not let them slip through my fingers.
Posted on April 13, 2012 by Jennifer Wolfe
Spring break is so often the time for adventure. College students head off to party centrals, lucky families head off to early family vacation spots, concerned high school parents begin college tours, and then there are those who…stay home.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. My family actually chose to stay right home and rest. Sleeping in, working in the garden, baseball games, playing chess by the fire (yes, it’s a COLD spring break here in California!) and catching up on dates with friends sounded like the perfect way to spend our free week.
But April showers have kept us more tucked up inside the house than we anticipated, which for me means time perched up in my office, gazing out the window and thinking and dreaming.
Yesterday my daughter joined my reverie and we began a virtual college tour on collegeboard.com. Amid our diligent shepherding through high school, she has begun to see the college light at the end of the tunnel. Soon our focus will change from getting her in to getting it financed, and we all know about the college tuition fears that today’s parents face.
There was something so exciting, though, about sitting up high with her and watching her click through all the college options she can look forward to that made my fears ease just the tiniest bit. College will come for her. She will be admitted somewhere, and will have that often joyous, stressful, and exhilarating experience that we wish for her. Years of scrimping and saving, studying, volunteering, and working will bring her dreams to reality and adventures to her life.
And three years from now, when she’s having her first college spring break, I hope she’ll find another place to perch up high, and think and dream new dreams for herself.
Posted on March 10, 2012 by Jennifer Wolfe
Posted on March 2, 2012 by Jennifer Wolfe