The 4th of July, for me, isn’t the kind of holiday I really look forward to. I live in a small town. We have the parades, the pancake breakasts, the picnics, the gathering-together-in-the-park kind of celebrations. We have the swimming pools, the BBQs, the kids riding decorated bikes through town.

It just doesn’t speak to my independent spirit.

I’m not a big crowd kind of person. I love the quiet, I love small gatherings, I love solitude. I love home.

I’m not anti-social, really. I like people; well, some people. I don’t like stepping over sweaty bodies laying all over the grass. I always got nervous when my kids were little and it got dark and I couldn’t see where they were. Now that they’re teens, I get nervous because they’re too big to cling to, and too old to stay by my side. Independence turned against me, I suppose.

We’ve celebrated Independence Day lots of different ways. Sometimes we’ve gone to the foothills to hang out with just one other family. We sat on their deck, the kids rode their horses and let off LOTS of fireworks. We’ve spent the 4th at the lake, riding bikes from home to Squaw Valley and back, then battling the crowds for blanket space and then sat in traffic after the last sparkler burned out. We’ve stayed at a bed and breakfast, just the two of us, and rode bikes around the Gold Country. One year , on a trip out of state, we danced around fireworks that seemed more like hand grenades being flung by passers-by. That didn’t speak to my spirit at all.

When I was little, the 4th often meant trips to my grandparent’s house in the Bay Area. Grandpa would have brought home ‘illegal’ fireworks from Chinatown, and the cousins would light up the long, covered porch with sparklers and those snake-like ones that left an enticing trail of ash as proof that we really lit it. Lighting anything was a true sign of independence.

This Independence Day morning, I ponder the day ahead. My girl is long gone, skiing for the summer on top of a glacier in Oregon. No picnics with her today – she’s enjoying her own independent spirit. My boy is planning teenage shenanigans and reliably unreliable for family time, but horribly independent. My husband is working; I guess it’s just me and my dog. Maybe I’ll take a walk and watch the parade from a distance.  I’m sure I could dig up a few glow sticks tonigh – no sparklers, though. Light a BBQ, sit under the trees on my patio, listening to the festivities going on down the block. Independent.

I think I’ll just listen to my own spirit, and ponder the real meaning of Independence Day.

Dear reader, how do you celebrate Independence Day? Do you listen to your own spirit, and do what you want to do?

This post was inspired by today’s prompt |ponder| from writealm.com.

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Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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Middle school can be the most confusing time for students and parents in their educational career.  Everything ‘known’ about school is shifting, and hormones are often kicking into gear at the same time.  Students want more independence, and parents want to do the right thing.  Instead of letting teens ‘sink or swim’, try a more balanced approach.  Teens definitely need to learn responsibility and independence, but they also require structure and supervision more than ever.  By following these simple tips you may be able to crack the middle school confusion code and have a more happy and stress free experience.

Step 1:  Attend Back To School Night, Parent Nights and Open House.

Everyone has busy schedules, but this is an important show of support to your child, their teacher and school community.  These nights often are times to sign up for email lists, learn about the course, and at a minimum get a ‘visual’ of where your child spends their day, and who their teachers are.

Step 2:  Expect homework every night.

Follow the school’s homework policy or create one of your own.  If you teen says they ‘don’t have any homework’, ask to see their planner or sit down with them to check the school or teacher website.  If they truly have nothing assigned, require them to read a book, graphic novel, or magazine of their choice for 20-30 minutes.

Step 3:  Set aside a regular time and quiet place to study.

In middle school it is important to create and/or maintain good study habits.  Not only will it help improve grades, but will assist students as they enter more rigorous high school courses that count towards college entrance.  Bedrooms, kitchen tables, and family rooms all can be acceptable study areas as long as they are equipped with a writing surface, are relatively free of distractions, and have a place for teens to store their school supplies and books when not in  use.  Many teens are able to listen to music while studying-TV and computers are generally more distracting.  Also, turn phones on silent to discourage the temptation to read texts while concentrating.

Step 4:  Check your child’s planner/backpack/binder regularly.

Not every teen is a born organizer.  They need help finding a system that works for them.  Teach them how to use a calendar to write down homework, preferably something that will clip into a 3 ring binder.  Try using one binder for all classes-it will cut down on the misplaced papers and forgotten assignments in lockers.  Once a week, dump out backpacks and book bags.  Hole punch loose papers and put in their binder behind dividers for each subject.

Step 5: Make studying fun.

Some teens have shorter attention spans than others.  Try setting a timer for 15-20 minutes of solid concentration.  Take a 5 minute break, then resume studying.  Make sure they have a full tummy-hunger can be very distracting.  Try Skype or FaceTime-teens are social by nature and may surprise you with their ability to work with a partner.  Studying with a friend at home or in a cafe can also be a nice change of pace.

Step 6:  Provide encouragement, clear expectations and logical consequences.

Middle school is a time for kids to learn what works and doesn’t work for them.  Rewards and consequences are an effective tool to help teens stay on track.  Try to use a one week system-many kids today are used to instant gratification and waiting for a month or two is too long.  Figure out what they really like, value or want and use that as your motivator!

Step 7:  Be proactive with teachers.

Middle school teachers often have 100+ students.  While they may want to contact you, often times they aren’t able to let you know about problems and successes as soon as you’d like them to.  Make sure to get on email distribution lists.  Send teachers an email every week or two asking specific questions about your student.  Think of yourself, your child and their teachers as a team that is working together to provide the best educational experience possible.

Step 8:  Expect success and understand struggles.

Teens are bound to encounter subjects that challenge them in middle school.  Earning straight A’s is not in every subject.  By setting high expectations yet understanding their struggles teens will learn that you are listening and care about them.  When teens are scared to talk to their parents about grades it becomes unproductive and unsafe.  Encourage them to do their best everyday, and understand when they make mistakes.  They’re still learning!

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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There she goes again.  That chatter.  That voice in my head that directs me like a traffic cop.  That sound of my non-existent older sister or nagging mother-in-law that won’t stop offering advice about what to do, how to act, where to be, and when to sleep.  She just won’t shut up.   From the moment I rise to the moment I rest she is there, nestling on my shoulder, whispering in my ear.  Do. More. Better.

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And yes, she is a figment of my imagination. I’m not experiencing any psychological disorder or seeing things that aren’t real.  But she feels real, and she makes me feel things I don’t always want to think about. Or shouldn’t really think about.  She’s my monkey mind, and she just won’t shut up.  And she whispers…Be. More. Faster.

Thoughts spin around my brain when I’m alone and when no children are needing me, no husband is nearby, and for that one split second it appears no outside demands are asking to suck me dry.  But that’s where Miss Monkey fits in.  She reminds me of the to do list, the to don’t list, and everything in between.  She moves me from the kitchen to the laundry room to the bedrooms and back.  She sits me down at the computer to write, then nudges me up to move the clothes to the dryer-oh wait-don’t forget to change the air filter and water the plants.  The dog needs a walk-gotta do that. Maybe I can stop at the bank…ACK! The tomato sauce is boiling over and now sticks solid on the bottom of the pan. Another tick on the to do list gets added.  Back to the computer-DING! The dryer is finished and as I walk to the laundry room she reminds me that the packages need mailing and the garbage cans are still on the curb.  Then grade the papers.  Kids have homework.  Practice.  Lessons.  Would that telephone please ring at a more convenient time; I don’t need to talk to a telemarketer EVER again.  The dog barks for his walk.  And she yells…Do. More. Now.

Seriously?  I’m so young!  I’m just a mom, a wife, a worker, a writer, a….woman.  Why won’t Miss Monkey just shut up and let me think? I could get it done if she. just. would. stop. that. incessant. chatter. that. reminds. me. I. am. human?  And she screams…Do. It. NOW!

She makes me think.  She makes me think I should trust her, not my gut.  Wait-who is she?  How dare she leave me thinking like this.  Making me feel upset, and vulnerable, and sometimes very alone.  She makes me forget where I started, and where I’m going.  She spins me around until I f.a.l.l.

But I’m not really, alone, am I?  You hear her too…don’t you?

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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This week children are weighing heavily on my mind.  Preparing to return to my classroom, I am overrun with emotions, nerves, memories, fears, and expectations.  Starting up a new school year is supposed to be exciting-a fresh start, a new chapter in the life of a child, a time for families to gather together and celebrate a new beginning.  Yet as I go through each day, it seems as if I’m bombarded by children in crisis.  It scares me.

I’ve been teaching for 20 years, mostly all of those in junior high schools. I’m used to dealing with kids as they experience the joys of ‘tween’ and ‘teen’ years.  But this month it feels different.  Less exciting.  More serious.

What is happening to our children? Are things really so different from when I walked the halls of my school as a 9^th grader, mainly concerned about how my overalls looked (it was the 70’s) and if my hair had curled correctly that morning?  Sure, I had friends who had family problems, and knew kids who got in trouble.  But all this?

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Who is making the choices here?  Parents know that we need to empower our children, teach them how to be confident, strong, mature humans.  We choose to give them experiences that will nurture their talents, expose them to the world, and teach them how to survive when they leave home.  We remember images of our babies, smiling up at us as we hold them.  Our toddlers curiously pulling everything out of drawers.  Our  kindergarteners learning to write and glue and skip.  Our elementary school students lining up, playing ball, and performing class musicals.  Our teens biking to school alone, having slumber parties, getting their drivers license.  Our graduates, leaving home.  But these kids-what are they learning?  That life is hard.  That children can be powerless.  That even good parents can make bad choices.  That no one is listening?



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What I’ve learned from decades of working with teens is that they almost always want to do the right thing.   Kids don’t always know what the ‘right’ thing  is-but they usually can find their way if someone takes the time to listen to them.  I’ve learned that kids like limits-they like to have things to choose from.  And yes, they will challenge – testing limits is a natural process in learning.  They like choice.  Kids don’t like to be boxed in and feel like all the adults in their life know what’s best for them.  They like to be listened to.  I’ve learned that children shouldn’t be seen and not heard.

What I’m still learning is that bad things happen.  Adults will make choices that have superb and terrible impact on kids, and that’s the way life works.  I’m still learning that kids are strong, resilient and remarkable and can survive and thrive despite amazing experiences that would send most of us screaming into the abyss.

Please, listen and hear what they’re saying.  Give them a voice.  Give them a choice.



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Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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