Tag: stereotype

The Bullies, Bullied and Bystanders: Which One Is Mine?

Posted on May 7, 2012 by

via Photobucket
55 middle school students and I crowded into our local movie theater this week, not sure what we would experience.  Our group was a combination of kids from several classes at school, mixed ages, races, and genders, but the common thread that pulled us together was our experiences with bullying.

I don’t think there’s a person alive who hasn’t felt bullied.  Sadly, it seems to be part of the human experience.  And it’s not just kids that bully-I’ve experienced adults bullying kids as well as other adults.  Working in schools as long as I have might have made my bully radar more heightened than most, but I still remember the childhood feeling of wanting to melt into the earth rather than be the last one chosen for a team, or the criticism for how I dressed or how quietly I spoke. I remember my high school classmate who died at the hands of a bully.

In fact, bullying has reached such epidemic levels that some independent filmmakers followed kids with video cameras for a year, inside and outside of school, to document exactly what is happening with bullying in America.  The resulting film,“Bully”,  is heartbreaking, terrifying, and leaves the audience wondering what to do next.

via Photobucket

It didn’t take long for the mood in the theater to change from excitement to shock.  Watching regular, American kids experience verbal, physical and emotional abuse on the big screen made my popcorn unappealing, and had me reaching for a tissue.  I felt my body convulse with sobs as I watched Ty’s parents bury their 11-year-old son, a boy who reminds me so much of my own.  As his mother, nearly comatose, rocked in his bedroom, wondering what she could have done to prevent his suicide, it was more than I could take.  I wanted to scream at the screen, lash out at the pathetic creatures who taunted this little boy day after day until he felt, at 11 years old, his life wasn’t worth living.  What person has the right to inflict this type of torture on another human being?

During our debrief after the film, my students kept coming back to the parents.  How could they not have known what was happening?  And what kind of parents would raise children to think that this type of behavior was acceptable?  I wonder myself, if the parents of bullies even have an idea of what their kids are doing to other children.  Do they think that they’ve raised their son or daughter to be intolerant of differences, to be an aggressor, to be a bully?  And do they feel responsible for their child’s actions, even the slightest, when they find out that the baby they raised has turned into someone who takes joy in bringing others pain?

And I wonder about the parents of those who are bullied.  Do they know what their child endures every day as they ride the bus to school, walk the halls, or eat in the lunchroom?  Is their child ashamed to share their experience as a victim?  I wonder what I would do if my son or daughter came home and told me that they never wanted to go back to school, that they had no friends, and they didn’t want to face another day.

Days later, these thoughts continue to clog my brain.  I tuck my 12-year-old son into bed at night, and wonder why and how he’s escaped this torture.  I watch my 15-year-old daughter, weary with studying, and wonder how she has escaped the cyber bullying.  And then I wonder, do I really know what’s going on with them?  Do they see this happening at school?  Are they bullied? A bully? A bystander?

I tell myself all is well, I’m doing my job, and they are safe. 

I wonder if Ty’s parents thought that, too.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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reading with mamawolfe: Diary of a Mad Fat Girl

Posted on March 9, 2012 by

 

http://www.blogher.com/bookclub/now-reading-diary-mad-fat-girl

 

 

I actually didn’t think I would like this book.  It was the title.  Diary of a Mad Fat Girl.  Fat just isn’t a politically correct word, and I wondered how the author could get me past the initial stereotyped image she was presenting.

Honestly, it didn’t take long.  Once I got into the first few chapters I was hooked, and I didn’t care who saw the cover!  Stephanie McAfee’s skillful characterizations of protagonist Graciela “Ace” Jones, her best friend Lilly, mutual friend Chloe, their boyfriends, lovers, spouses and an adorable Chiweeenie dog named Buster Loo brought me right into their lives in current day Mississippi and I never wanted to leave.

Daphnee, a 3 ½ year old Miniature Dachshund / Chihuahua mix (Chiweenie)
http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/chiweenie.htm

Ace Jones, the mad fat girl of the title, and her tall, willowy and beautiful BFF Lilly reminded me of girls I used to teach with when I was young, single and figuring out the world.  Ace and Lilly teach, live and love with passion.  Ace leads with her heart and not her head, a strategy which lends itself to poignant humor and situations the reader can imagine herself alongside the characters – well, maybe not the hilarious drag bar scene!

As if Ace and her pals weren’t enough, Stephanie McAfee’s addition of the fabulous Gloria Peacock and her friends Daisy, Birdie and Temple absolutely sealed the deal for me.  The addition of these mature, wise matriarchs provides grounding and depth for the story and characters.

I could just picture Ace and her girlfriends, desperate for advice on their love lives, grasping for advice from the more ‘experienced’ ladies: “I look at Gloria Peacock, who smiles at me.  ‘Follow your heart.  It won’t lead you wrong.’  ‘Mind did,’ Daisy says.  ‘More than once.’  ‘I think you were following something besides your heart, Daisy,’ Birdie says.

Gloria and her cohort represent female strength at a mature age, and highlight McAfee’s ability to create complex female characters.  Add in a bit of tragedy and a whole bunch of humor, and you’ve got a book to lose yourself in for an afternoon.

But Diary of a Mad Fat Girl isn’t a typical single-girl-finds-the-right-guy predictable type of love story.  Ace and her pals sample life with enviable gusto, and just when I thought I had it all figured out, I didn’t.  Kind of like life.

I’m still not crazy about the title, but Diary of a Mad Fat Girl has the ability to move the reader out of their own reality and into the lives of these strong women living in Bugtussle, Mississippi, and to let us know that stereotypes are meant to be broken.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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California Teachin’

Posted on January 2, 2012 by

Sometimes I wonder how California is going to pull our education system out of the deep dark abyss we have been hiding in for the last several years. When I first started teaching in 1990, I thought I was working in the most exciting, progressive career I could imagine, in the most forward thinking state I could live in.

As time has passed, I have changed my way of thinking. Year by year I have seen my class sizes get larger, the students need more attention to skills, and the number of preps increase. NCLB’s focus on standards dramatically changed the focus of many districts towards test taking achievement and away from critical thinking.

Last weekend’s headline in the Sacramento Bee, “Gay History To Hit Classrooms In January”, however, made me feel proud of being an educator and citizen of California.

I was born during the Civil Rights movement and just a little girl when women were fighting for their liberation. In a multi-racial and multi-lingual state like California, emphasis often is put on creating a multicultural, diverse curriculum to meet the needs of all students and ensure equal representation. We teach our students to use appropriate, politically correct terminology and to have tolerance for all people, regardless of race, religion or sexual orientation. However, very few districts have put any sort of emphasis on the latter. To me, the taboo of speaking about sexual orientation is as antiquated as the pre-Civil Rights era when segregation was commonplace.

Just as when blacks were being lynched and attacked for the genetic make-up of their skin pigment, teens and adults today are experiencing discrimination, torture, beatings and death for their inborn sexual orientation. Just as we learned not to judge people for the color of their skin, we will now be able to show the content of all people’s character, regardless of what gender they choose to love.

masonimages.com
For years when I taught 7th grade World History my students critically examined races and religions worldwide over the history of time. My American Literature students have read, thought and wrote about people from the wide variety of cultures that make up the United States of America. As a trained educator, I know how to teach without bias. Adding gay history to our curriculum will be no different from teaching about Islam, Buddhism, Christianity, Native Americans, the Red Coats, slavery, Hitler Vietnam, the Gulf War, or any other topic in our country’s past.
What would it be like if we never talked about these people and events?

I don’t for a minute think that the passage of this law will suddenly create a ‘gay pride’ unit in many school districts. Nor do I believe that teaching about gay history will change any heterosexual teen’s sexual orientation. State education leaders and school districts will carefully and deliberately work to construct frameworks and lesson plans to objectively include, not purposefully disclude, this element of our society.

What I do believe is that this law will allow age-appropriate lessons that will humanize gays, hopefully creating a more harmonious society for our children to grow up in. I do believe in inclusion over exclusion. I do believe that by bestowing value on all people we help to lift them up, which in turn can only bring us all to a higher place.

What do you think? Do you agree with the new legislation? Or do you want to keep things ‘old school’?

Me? I’m proud to be a Californian today.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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