What is your relationship to clutter?

Clutter isn’t just about what’s stuffed into corners of your bookshelves, or trampled on the floor of your closed. It’s not only about organizing drawers or giving the garage a super-good clean out. Really, that kind of physical clutter is pretty simple to deal with. You either get rid of it, or you shove it away.

It’s the ‘clutter-be-gone’ mindset that I’ve always found much more challenging. The ‘clutter-be-gone’ mindset is haunting me now that there’s just two of us living in this house created for four.

I have plenty of ‘belongings’, to be sure. Just ask my kids about all the sizes of diapers I kept (unused, of course) or the various locks of hair, baby socks, art projects, cute notes, Lego sculptures…you get the idea. I read Julie Morgenstern’s book Organizing From The Inside Out a long time ago (it was published in 1998!). At the time, I was struggling with the idea of keeping a home organized now that two babies had moved in. When I read, “Being organized has less to do with the way an environment looks than how effectively it functions. If a person can find what he or she needs when he or she needs it, feels unencumbered in achieving his or her goals, and is happy in his or her space, then that person is well organized.”

That was so liberating for me!

My sentimental nature would obviously lead me to keep more than the average mom, but according to Julie, that’s OK!

So I cruised along, trying to keep up with photo albums (the analog kind), journals, school report cards, samples of my kids’ writing, birthday cards…. high school graduation cards…college acceptance letters…college graduation announcements…until suddenly, the nest is empty but the rooms are still full and then, gradually at first but then with an urgency building up like a thundercloud, the ‘clutter-be-gone’ mindset is a reality.

There’s no more reason to keep all those Christmas and Valentine’s and Easter decorations, is there? No one’s around to see them. It’s easier if they just stay packed away, along with the memories of when little hands and sticky faces used to reach with trepidation, hoping to grasp the essence of what those days meant to them…

So for my husband’s 52nd birthday, I got him a storage space.

Despite this going against all my de-cluttering tendencies, Julie’s words rang in my ears. You can get it organized, I heard her say. Put the furniture you’ve been saving for the kids in there, clear up space in the garage and create some flow, I imagined her commenting. So I did it, and now the flow should run freely – right?

I’m finding it’s not so easy, that de-cluttering comes in fits and bursts, at just the right time to fill up sacks of worn out linens and kitchen gadgets long since forgotten. It comes, sometimes, with a burst of tears and finishes with collapsing on the bed with a box of cassette tapes from the 1980s, memories banging cacophonously against reality.

There are some days (many days) when I just can’t handle the thought of those moments flooding into today; just the downpour of what was, what I can’t control, what’s not yet happened and maybe never will is more than I can handle on even endless servings of my favorite Sumatra blend.

“Being organized has less to do with the way an environment looks than how effectively it functions,”

I hear her whispering to me. How does it actually function for me these days? How do the memories (aka clutter) fill my mind? Do they keep me from moving forward, or do they PUSH me towards everything I’ve been preparing for the last 53 years?

I think to me, putting yourself in the ‘clutter-be-gone’ mindset means putting on your oxygen mask first. Practicing deep self-care. Spending time in nature, gazing out the window into an oncoming thunderstorm (literal or figurative) or snuggling up with your old dog and gently stroking his ears while he wiggles with pleasure. It means tucking away the memories (literal and figurative) into places in my heart and home where they can lift me up, comfort me, motivate me, and be there to draw on for inspiration moving forward.

In the end, I think I’m OK with my clutter right now. Maybe my kids will be OK with it, too.

Photo by Gabby Orcutt on Unsplash Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash Photo by Thomas Kinto on Unsplash

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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~  Easter eggs already? This is the first Easter since I became a mom that I will have no children at home. No egg hunt. No Easter baskets – except for the treats I mailed to Boston and Park City. Nada. Not sure I’ll even get any decorations out… I’ve been dreading Easter thinking of Easter for months…of course, this year would have to be the year that it falls at the END of April. I’ve fallen into a writing rut, spending much more time and energy on teaching than I should. It keeps me from the quiet of the empty nest, I guess.

Just to torture myself, I’m reading through old posts, and instead of writing about Easter without kids, I thought I’d spiff up this oldie-but-goodie. For all of you empty-nesters out there, can you send me some thoughts about how to distract myself from the Easter egg blues? 

Love, 

Jennifer

My daughter has always had a competitive streak. I’m not sure if it’s nature or nurture…being blessed as the first born of two first-born parents, first born grandparents and yes, even first-born great-grandparents definitely explain a few of her personality traits. I guess that new parents just get excited about everything….new. My husband and I couldn’t wait to start up family traditions with her, and one of our favorites involved Easter.

Both my husband and I came from families where Easter egg hunts were a big deal. We had very similar childhood experiences – we were required to dress in our best clothes, would drive to grandma and grandpa’s house in the Bay Area, and would gather with our aunts, uncles, and cousins in the backyard. The anticipation was huge…we knew there would be carefully hidden eggs, enough for everyone to fill at least one basket. If we were lucky and looked really hard, we could find something special, too.

Creating memories

When our daughter was born, we knew we wanted to re-create our childhood memories. For the first few years, it wasn’t that exciting-babies and toddlers couldn’t really rejoice in the vinegar egg dying process, and usually scream at the sight of a giant, hairy Easter bunny. However, by the time our girl was three-and-a-half, we were ready.

Easter morning in California is usually quite pleasant, and this year didn’t disappoint. We dressed her in a beautiful homemade cotton print dress, put on her white eyelet socks and black patent leather shoes. She looked like she could march in the finest Easter parade in town. Instead, we went into the garden.

A few days earlier, we had routinely dyed hard-boiled eggs and left them out the night before for the Easter Bunny to hide. But unbeknownst to our daughter, we had also hidden plastic Easter eggs, just to increase the fun. And to make it even more exciting, we (I) stuffed the plastic eggs before putting them in the garden. Pennies, jellybeans, beads, stickers and small candies went inside most of them, but when I ran out of treats, I left those empty.

The Easter egg hunt

Our egg hunt began as it always did-mom, dad and grandma scurrying after her, video cameras in hand. We exclaimed in unison as she found each egg, and helped her fill her basket. Soon she realized that there were three kinds of eggs-those that were hard-boiled, those that were plastic and made noise when she shook them and those that were plastic and empty.

Even at three years old, her competitive streak was showing, and instead of placing each egg in her basket as she found it, squealing in delight, she began shaking each one violently. If the appropriate sound resulted, the egg went in the basket. If the egg was silent, it went over her shoulder back into the bushes.

While we dissolved into peals of laughter, she meticulously made her way around the garden searching for the egg-booty. When satisfied she had covered all the territory, she announced, “All done”, and ran off into the house.

Easter egg memories

But pennies aren’t so exciting anymore -thank goodness gift cards are too big!

As a result, we found many discarded plastic Easter eggs in the garden that summer. Our attempt at starting a family tradition, however, was quite successful. Even now, our teenagers still prefer plastic to the real thing.

This post originally appeared on the Yahoo Contributor Network.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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I’m having a breakthrough.

I’m having a breakthrough.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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“So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place, you can install a lovely bookshelf on the wall.” – Roald Dahl

https://bookroo.com/blog/the-100-best-quotes-about-reading

Routinely, my middle school students want to know if I’ve seen this-or-that movie, or talk to me about what they binge watch on Netflix.

When I tell them, “No, I haven’t seen it,” or “I don’t go to the movies often,” they are shocked. I did see Bohemian Rhapsody when it first came out – but that was the only theater movie I’d been to in YEARS.

But what really shocks them is when I say I don’t have Netflix. Watching their eyes crinkle together in confusion, I follow up with, “Yeah, I just read – a lot.”

It’s true. I’d much rather race home to furiously flip pages in a great novel than sit for two hours watching a movie. I’ve just always, always, always, been a reader.

So which were my favorites? Here we go!

Almost Everything, Notes on Hope by Anne Lamott

Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward

Wow. This is such a powerful look at history and racism and how hard, powerful and vitally important it can be to look at where we come from and how much the past continues to impact – or impede- our progress forward. I couldn’t get Beloved out of my mind…

The House At Riverton by Kate Morton

A perfect escape read, set between World Wars in the English countryside. Great storytelling of a mystery around a lavish estate, complicated family, love, disaster, heartbreak, and death. Author Morton’s plot was
strong enough to keep me going – a nice, intriguing, easy read.

Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok

This one has been on my ‘want to read’ list since it published in 2010 – and after reading it I can’t believe I waited so long! This is a great story of current day immigration issues, acculturation, feminism, class inequity, love, family and survival. Author Jean Kwok weaves all this around the life of Kimberly Chang and her mother as they move from Hong Kong to Brooklyn.

Where The Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

Set along the North Carolina coastal marshland in the 1960s and 70s, this novel tells the story of Kya, aka ‘The Marsh Girl’. I honestly couldn’t believe this was author Delia Owen’s first novel – the writing was lyrical, seductive, and enchanting. Blending nature, poetry, and coming-of-age alongside a developing mystery, Owens absolutely had me transfixed and left me empty at the end.

To be honest, I’d recommend ALL of my 13 reads so far this year. I don’t finish books I don’t love. I’ve learned to abandon books after 100 pages or so if I don’t look forward to rushing home and picking it up. These five are just the best books of the favorites! If you’re looking for more of my best books, check out my book lists in past blogs.

My reading pals have been mostly virtual – on Goodreads, Instagram, and Facebook. I’d love to connect with you there if we aren’t already.

You can read my best books list here from 2017. If you’d like to read the best books I read in 2016 click here. For more best books recommendations click over to 2013 and 2014 favorites posts. I’ve also written a Books I Love post and would love to connect with you on Goodreads to share more about reading.

Please add a comment about any of these books, or titles you think I should read next. I love recommendations!

Happy reading!

~Jennifer

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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Have you heard of the Educator Chipotle Challenge? If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you might remember my post from last fall that featured my friend Kala? She’s the ambitious school counselor who dedicated herself to EAT CHIPOTLE EVERY DAY FOR ONE YEAR to raise money for students and educators in Davis, California – specifically to support classroom needs and offer more mental health services to kids.

You can read all about the ECC here.

Well, she’s still at it. She hasn’t given up, hasn’t missed a day, and definitely won’t stop until she’s met her GoFundMe goal of raising $100,000.

Last week she asked me to appear on live TV to share the word about the ECC and hopefully increase her fundraising.

We had a blast!

Kala’s desire is to see more kids have access to support for increasing issues with mental health. In our school, we are seeing upticks in cases of anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, self-harm, and overwhelming stress.

According to the article “Teenagers Say Depression and Anxiety Are Major Issues Among Their Peers” recently published by the New York Times, “Most American teenagers — across demographic groups — see depression and anxiety as major problems among their peers, a new survey by the Pew Research Center found.”

The survey found that 70 percent of teenagers saw mental health as a big issue. Fewer teenagers cited bullying, drug addiction or gangs as major problems; those from low-income households were more likely to do so.

The article further states that “some psychologists have tied a growth in mental health issues among teenagers to increased social media use, academic pressure and frightening events like terror attacks and school shootings.”

I’ve definitely seen issues with academic pressure and college readiness.I’ve written WAY TOO MANY TIMES about school shootings and the impact it is having on teachers and school kids.

It seems like nearly every day I’m helping one of my students navigate life issues that have NOTHING to do with school curriculum – but everything to do with growing up and finding strategies to navigate the increasing demands kids are put under to be successful.

They feel like everyone is watching them – that everyone is ranking/viewing/judging their every move. And that their FUTURE depends on every decision they make.

It makes me so sad.

You can watch the full interview below:

I know most of you might not know Kala, but you know me. I wouldn’t be sharing the Educator Chipotle Challenge if I didn’t believe in what she’s doing and the HUGE need we see in our public schools.

We would both be so grateful if you would share about the ECC on your social media! If you’re feeling inclined to financially support the Educator Chipotle Challenge, please access the GoFundMe page HERE.

Oh – one more thing. If any of you have connections to The Ellen Show, Kala would LOVE to visit with Ellen Degeneres and share her story! Kala’s an awesome dancer, too – I know they would hit it OFF!

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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