Tag: change

Friday Photo: Holding On

Posted on August 18, 2012 by Jennifer Wolfe

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my children growing up and away from us.

When they were born, I never wanted to let them go. Sliding their precious bodies into another’s arms was reserved only for moments desperate for solitude. Sleeping side by side, we monitored their every movement, every breath.

When my son started kindergarten, I was excited. He was so ready to formalize his education – he loved learning, loved socializing, and eagerly anticipated learning Spanish like his big sister had. He smiled all the way to school, and babbled about his adventures all the way home.

When my daughter started middle school, I was elated. Finally, she would be on my campus, and all the regrets I had about not volunteering in her classes or driving on field trips might be soothed by knowing I could see her every day. She immersed herself in friendships, studying, and never missed a dance.

When my son left elementary school, I was saddened. Eleven years spent between the two suddenly evaporated without even being able to take one final bike ride to pick him up from school on the last day. He was so ready to move on with his education – he loved his friends, loved socializing, and couldn’t wait to ride his bike with his friends all the way to the middle school.

When my daughter started high school, I was nervous. This is when it all comes down to the end, the grades, the transcripts, the test scores and college admissions. She would get her driver’s license, go to the prom, and before I knew it, leave home.

The clock in my heart began counting down.

When my son starts middle school this year, I am still half-way holding on. I can’t quite let go, can’t pass him off to what’s next even though I know it will happen despite me. I squeeze my eyes shut and hope for it to happen painlessly, for it to slip through my awareness without having to feel the drop of my heart, the skip of my breath.

I’ve been thinking about them both lately. I’ve been hoping that the days will stretch on endlessly, the mothering will just shape-shift into some kind of form that I can still cling to even when they’re not here. I’m not ready to let them go, not eager for that kind of solitude. I’ve been trying to cast every moment in bronze, and not let them slip through my fingers.

primark

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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reading with mamawolfe: The Chaperone

Posted on August 2, 2012 by Jennifer Wolfe

Dynamic characters, symbolism, historical fiction and gender expectations in the 1920s are just some of the intriguing aspects of The Chaperone by Laura Moriarty. The author scores high with her effort inspired by the real life story of Louise Brooks, an up and coming silent movie star of the 20s, and Cora Carlisle, a thirty-six year old Kansas housewife and mother.

The Chaperone introduces us to Cora, a married mother of two sons, looking for a way to return some spark to her otherwise staid existence. When given the opportunity to chaperone Louise, a sultry, precocious teen bound for stardom, she eagerly accepts and travels to New York City.

As the story unfolds, we see a fictionalized attempt at explaining gender roles of the 1920s – Louise is the antithesis of Cora, neither one able to understand the actions of the other. Cora’s determination to keep Louise’s reputation intact serves as a plot vehicle for both of their character development and eventual understanding of themselves as women. The symbolism of Cora’s corset as tight and restrictive exemplifies the glorious difference between the confines Cora feels are appropriate for women, and the desire Louise feels to be free.

The introduction of very different male characters-Cora’s husband Alan and her friend Joseph, provide the opportunity to explore the roles that confine men as well. Sexual orientation, race and social class highlight the struggles of the opposite sex.

One of my favorite scenes takes place in a New York theater, when Cora is tricked by Louise into attending a production completely produced and starring only black actors and musicians. This serves not only as a source of historical background, but also as a turning point for Cora as she begins to unwind the ties that bind her to her past.

The Chaperone, by Laura Moriarty, is an intriguing read. Well crafted with an interesting plot, dynamic character development and full of glimpses into UShistory of the 1920s, the author gives us a book that will satisfy the reader on many levels.

With gratitude to Penguin and Riverhead Books for the review copy.

Jennifer Wolfe

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Stand Up

Posted on June 12, 2012 by Jennifer Wolfe

what do you get

when you stand up

for yourself?

results,

reactions

or regrets?

what do you get

when you sit up

and speak your mind?

relief,

resolution

or regrets?

what do you get

when you shout out

and say your truth?

reassurance,

retreat

or regrets?

me?

I get a little of this

and sometimes

a whole lot of nothing

but

never

many

regrets

when I stand up

sit up

shout out

I get it-do you?

stand,

sit,

shout

shut up

and stay

the same

you’ve always been

Jennifer Wolfe

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Friday Photo: Schizophrenic Spring

Posted on March 10, 2012 by Jennifer Wolfe

I woke up and realized it was actually spring. Well, sort of. According to the calendar, according to the blooms, according to the upcoming switch to Daylight Savings Time, that is. According to me, it feels like I’m still stuck in the darkness of winter. It has my brain and body scrambled and in a state of constant confusion.

At my day job, I’m teaching kids what they need to know now and telling them how to prepare for the future. I’m scrambling to complete all my school year expectations while planning for the next crop of students to arrive in late August.

My weekday central California mornings are just above freezing, but steadily warm during the day. My Sierra weekend mornings are far below freezing, but eventually warm and turn the snow to slush.

In the morning I want to turn on the heat, but know in the afternoon I will want to throw open the windows. I wear a wool coat to work, but strip down to a single layer by noon.

I’m washing woolen ski socks, fleece long underwear and baseball uniforms in the same load. I have a baseball bag on one seat of the car, and a ski bag on the other.

Hot, steaming coffee brings me into the day, and cool diet Pepsi keeps me going into the dark.

The weather report calls for sunny days this weekend and rainy days next week. The trees are blooming, partway.

At home, my son is growing out of sixth grade and growing excited about moving to the junior high school. My daughter is planning for junior year classes to prepare her for college admissions.

I feel like I’m half way there, too. Balancing between two jobs, two lives, two of everything and never quite whole of either. Sometimes blooming, sometimes dormant.

And I’m all mixed up. Some days it feels like the best I can do is just make it to bedtime in one piece. On others, I have the energy to take on the world and then some.

Do you feel it, too? Is it a schizophrenic spring in your world, or am I the only crazy one?