Are you struggling with your teenager? You’re not alone – many parents of college-bound kids are looking for ways to get their teenager to talk to them!

Adolescence is one of the growth areas of a child that most parents dread. Individuals in this stage of life tend to be moody, uncooperative, and seclude themselves from others especially when they do not get what they want. This can be detrimental to their well-being considering that they will be left to figure out several crucial things on their own, which never ends well. As such, it is essential to keep your adolescent engaged in conversations if you want to be updated about their life’s activities. Here are some helpful pointers that you can use to get your teenager to talk to you.

Show Interest in Their Interests

Showing interest in what your teenager engages in is critical as it sends a subtle message indicating to them that you care. Like any other individual, being interested in their lives will lead your mini-adults to believe that you are genuinely troubled about their progress. For this reason, they will not find it difficult to open up when you strike up a conversation with them.

Give Your Teenager Space

In case you have had a misunderstanding at home, the last thing you want to do is pry on them or bombard them with information. Give them some time to regain their self-control before you can begin talking to them. This will allow them to reflect on the argument and calm down. Thus, you can have a civilised conversation with them without shouting or getting aggressive due to frustration.

Let Them Lead the Conversation

Whenever you want to talk about a specific topic, let them know about it beforehand and give them time to digest the details. Once you have the sit-down, introduce your subject matter and leave the table open for them to join. Do not act like a detective prying for details from a suspect. Instead, give them time to speak what is on their mind and respond accordingly. Be sure not to give your advice in the form of orders. Instead, lay it down as a suggestion, and point out the consequences of not taking it up as the primary option.

Choose an Appropriate Place for Talking

Depending on the type of foods that your teenager likes, you can select a restaurant that they love or you feel they would want to visit and take them for a meal. While the meal is being prepared, engage them in light banter as you wait. This can be extended to the time you get the meal. Once you are done eating, you can introduce your topic, knowing that they have relaxed.

They are more likely to open up as compared to when you have them in a setting that seems favourable to you. In case you do not have the money to take them out, make them one of their favourite dishes at home and use it as bait. You could also have a family night at home, perhaps playing some board games from Whooopsadaisy or watching a movie together. This is another easy way to get your teenager relaxed and ready to listen and talk.

Listen More

Do not be one who continually dishes out information to them. Such tendencies cause teenagers to shut down. A better way to approach such circumstances is to let them talk more. You can foster a positive environment by asking open-ended questions. This will lead them to elaborate more on how they feel concerning the matter rather than giving you one-word answers.

Also, focus on dealing with one thing at a time if you want to yield any results. Choose different sessions to address issues one by one. As a parent, do not demean your adolescent since this may damage their self-esteem or cause them to be more defiant.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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The clock ticked just past noon, and I decided to see if you were awake. Not that I hadn’t been checking on you – it’s the habit begun when you were tiny and I was so full of love for you I was sure I couldn’t go one more minute without seeing your found little face. I quietly turn the door handle, take three steps in -sometimes four, depending on your position -and wait until I see you breathe.

It’s stupid, I know. You’re seventeen, far past the stage when SIDS or any sort of sudden, unexpected loss of breathing would occur.

At 6’0”, 155 pounds you’re considered skinny by some measures, but far, far bigger than the tiny little preemie I brought home. That’s when it started, you know – when you were in the hospital. I’d tiptoe into the nursery just to check that someone was watching over you. I’d stand there for a minute, watching your chest gently rise up and down, bird-like. It was the only way I could sleep.

Lately, you’ve spent a lot of time alone in your room. I guess it’s what 17-year olds do, but it still feels unsettling. I’ve learned to knock and wait – you say I’m getting pretty good at it. My normal inclination, to walk in and ask a question or share something funny, has been squelched over the last year. I wait, tentatively, as if requesting permission to enter. Sometimes, just to get you to laugh, that’s what I say through the closed door.

Today it’s Sunday, and the cinnamon rolls have been cooling on the counter for well over an hour. I tried to wake you when they were pulled from the oven, golden brown and oozing with brown sugary goodness. You didn’t growl this time – you didn’t even open an eye, but I swear I heard you say, “I love you, Mom” before you rolled over. I pushed your bear into the space between your pillow and the covers and noiselessly backed out of your space.

This time, I decided it was too late to still be sleeping. My grandmother’s mantra, “You’re going to lose the day” ringing in my ears, I went downstairs and checked for signs of life. Nothing stirred. Walking down the hall, unusually quiet music wafted over the sounds of the lawnmower next door. Could it be true?

With all the gentleness I could muster, I tapped on the door. “What?” you responded, slight annoyance in your voice. Surprised, I turned the knob. It was dark, even though the midday sun was high overhead. You looked up from your chair, school binder balancing on your lap.

Surprised, I turned the knob. It was dark, even though the midday sun was high overhead. You looked up from your chair, school binder balancing on your lap.

“How’re you feeling?” I cautiously inquired.

“Fine. I’m doing homework,” you muttered as if I was interrupting your favorite video game. Your hair is tousled to one side, and I notice how small your black and white bathrobe suddenly looks on your elongated frame.

“Did you see what I made you? Are you hungry?” I question, hoping food will make the connection.

Love Kelly Rae Roberts’ love notes

Do I sound cheerful? Pulling out conversation with you is oftentimes the most difficult part of my day.

“No, I’m doing homework. I want to get it done before I eat,” came your reply, your eyes never leaving your notes.

“Ok, I…umm…” Defeated, I backed out of the room.

“What?”

Your voice was just a touch softer as if you knew.

“Nothing,” I softly replied as the door inaudibly closed between us.

In the kitchen, I wrapped the now cold cinnamon rolls in plastic and walked back up the stairs.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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