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Prepare To Take The Helm: Building Community Together

Posted on May 10, 2013 by Jennifer Wolfe

Helm (PSF) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s funny how life circles itself around you sometimes, isn’t it?

This morning my freshman AVID students discussed the quote, “A community is like a ship. Everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm.” It was one of those inspirational quotes printed in their daily calendar, meant to encourage critical thinking.

As usual in my classroom, things didn’t quite go as I expected. In small groups, I asked them to talk about what they thought the quote meant, and how they could apply it to their AVID experience or their life in general.

First, I heard several kids asking what ‘helm’ meant. Didn’t expect that one.

“It’s something you wear on your head,” I overheard one boy explain. “Like helmet.”

Well, not exactly. I do like that he’s looking at the word, though.

“I think it’s the front of a ship,” said another.

“No, it’s being in charge,” a few responded.

Now we’re on the right track. Something the person in charge wears on their head on the front of a ship. Sigh.

When we came back together, they began to share. Eventually, we talked about why it would be important to be ready to take charge, or to be prepared to step up. We talked about how communities need to have leaders, but that everyone needs to feel heard and be able to contribute.

I felt good as they went into their tutorial groups, and noticed a spark of understanding in their eyes. Their discussions were animated and thoughtful; it really seemed like they have learned to depend on each other for support.

Less than an hour later, the true meaning of the quote as it applied to my life became visible.

One of the absolute benefits of my job is my colleagues. Teaching isn’t an easy job, and teaching middle school definitely isn’t for the faint hearted. The constant rollercoaster of being around hundreds of teens experiencing puberty can send the toughest personalities over the edge at times.

That’s exactly what happened today. Someone hit their tipping point and came to me for support, lips quivering, eyes welling with tears.

Without hesitation, I listened. I empathized; I knew precisely the complete overwhelm they were experiencing. I felt the anxiety, the vulnerability, and the fear.

I took the helm. I did what I knew how to do. I tried to envelop them with safety, trust, and a sense of importance. I got help, and took action.

I actually didn’t think twice about it, and then I went back to my day.

Hours later, after the kids left for the day, they thanked me. Their message of relief, trust and belonging broadcast clearly how much my actions mattered.

Photo credit: planeta

And when they breathed their sigh of relief, spoke their words of gratitude, and expressed their sense of belonging, I knew. Really, it’s the reason I’ve stayed there as long as I have. It’s the people, the relationships, the community.

We realize that we don’t always have to be the one steering the ship; our shipmates are right alongside, ready to step up. They help us avoid the icebergs, clean up after a storm, and sing when our spirits need a lift. They are always ready to take the helm.

It’s funny how life circles around itself like that sometimes, isn’t it?

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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Save the Children: State of the World’s Mothers

Posted on May 7, 2013 by Jennifer Wolfe

3 day-old baby boy in Dibana village, Maharastra, India.

As part of the group, Mom Bloggers for Social Good, we are working on spreading information about the State of the World’s Mothers report, and their annual report about the best and worst places to be a mother. The State of the World’s Mothers (SOWM) report is Save the Children’s signature annual publication, which compiles global statistics on the health of mothers and children, and uses them to produce rankings of nations within three groupings corresponding to varying levels of economic development. They have produced the reports annually since the year 2000. Though the core report indices are the same every year, each year there is a new feature or story angle added to it. In 2013, the new feature is the Birth Day Risk Index — the index compares first-day death rates for babies in 186 countries to identify the safest and most dangerous places to be born.

Watch video of the project here, with Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Connelly, and Alyson Hannigan and moms from around the world:

http://youtu.be/aVUQ5yK5R0k

The United States has the highest number of first day deaths of babies of any industrialized nation; nearly 11,300 babies die here every year. American mothers may be surprised to hear this, as we think our healthcare is superior to mothers in sub-Saharan Africa, southeast Asia, and other areas with high infant mortality rates. Save the Children’s annual report recommends several actions to solve this problem, such as addressing the underlying causes of infant mortality, increasing health care workers, investing in low-cost, low-tech health care solutions, strengthening health care systems and increasing access, and increasing committments and funding to saving the lives of mothers and children.

In a show of support for Save the Children, American bloggers are sharing their own birth stories. I am more grateful than ever to have experienced the miracle of not only bringing two healthy children into the world, but also the glory of experiencing motherhood for the last seventeen years. Birth wasn’t easy, but the payoff has been magnificent:

my first baby

“Jennifer. Stop. Look at me. Look at me. You must stop pushing right now.”

My brain and body scrambled to focus on her blue eyes. Something wasn’t right. This wasn’t happening the way the book said it would. What is she saying?

I had watched all the movies, attended the birthing class, packed my bag, bought the diapers, and laid out your little white sleeper, recently laundered in Burt’s Bees baby soap, ready to bring you home.

“Stop,” her voice repeated. “This is important.” My midwife’s normally calm demeanor was punctuated with urgency.

I couldn’t pry my eyes open. The pain was overwhelming; no time for medication, this was happening old-school style. My breath came in gasps, my fear in waves.

I searched for my husband, his hands on my legs. Finally he came into view, his blue eyes holding it all in.

“Her cord. It’s wrapped around her neck. You need to stop so I can flip her out. You must not push-do you hear me? “ I snapped into focus. I inhaled and for a moment, granted her request.

My body and brain were operating with broken connections, like a static dead space. I gave up control out of sheer and utter terror that my baby would be born dead.

This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen.

No one says that first babies come early. Tales of endless labor, walks around the hospital and enduring hours and hours of waiting for her to come were all I’d been told. Nothing-nothing at all had prepared me for these 30 minutes of laying in the hospital bed, feeling her force her way into the world.

The seconds felt like hours. I naively tried to regain control; not realizing that from this point on, you would shape every thought, every action, and every moment of my life.

“Jennifer, when I say so, you need to push harder than ever before. Go deep inside. Growl like a mama bear, and do it with all your power. Do you understand?”

Obediently, I complied.

One. Two. Three.

But wait – this isn’t how it is supposed to be. I haven’t even gotten into the birthing chair. The nursery-the laundry hasn’t been put away into your little dresser. We haven’t even decided on your name yet… I don’t know where you are, or what to do. The only thing I do know is that I’m not ready for this. Am I really going to be somebody’s mom?

But there you were, somersaulting into the world, slightly violet, but breathing. And alive.

And absolutely perfect.

The struggle was over. We made it. Nothing in life could ever be harder than that, I imagined. I held you to my chest and breathed you in, feeling your warm stickiness. I clasped your tiny fingers.

“What is it?” I heard my mother hesitantly, yet pleadingly, call from behind the closed door.

“It’s a girl,” I panted in reply.

And forever afterwards, life as I knew it ended and began at precisely the same instant.

Few hours old twin babies are seen at Pailarkandi union, Baniachang district of Habiganj in Bangladesh. The twins’ mother has had four antenatal visits to the clinic and the babies are full term and a healthy weight. Every hour, 11 babies die in Bangladesh their lives cut short before theyre even four weeks old. One in 19 children under five dies needlessly of diseases we know how to treat or prevent. In some regions the figures are even higher: in Baniachong and Ajmiriganj, where Save the Children is working, one baby dies every day, meaning tragically that many women there have lost at least one child. In one village currently without a clinic, locals told us that 9 out of 10 women that live there lose a baby. Most of these children die because they dont have access to even the most basic healthcare. For every 10 births in Bangladesh, 8 mothers have to give birth in their home on a dirt floor without a skilled health worker present putting the life of their baby at risk. Only 37% of Bangladeshi children with suspected pneumonia have access to a health worker and only 22% of those receive antibiotics for it. This treatment gap has often tragic consequences. The lack of good food plays a devastating role, too. Nearly one in four Bangladeshi babies is born underweight, and the damage from malnutrition often lasts a lifetime. Horrifyingly, nearly half of the children in Bangladesh suffer irreparable damage to their bodies and minds a condition known as stunting all because they cant get the nutritious food they need to grow and develop. 5% of the worlds children affected by this condition live in Bangladesh.

Jennifer Wolfe

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Show Me The Glint of Light

Posted on May 6, 2013 by Jennifer Wolfe

Don’t tell me the moon is shining;

show me the glint of light on broken glass.

– Anton Chekhov

For all who toil as writers, and for those who can only dream of it.

Jennifer Wolfe

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Prom Costs: What Do You Think It’s Worth?

Posted on May 4, 2013 by Jennifer Wolfe

prom costs

It’s prom season, and parents are feeling the pinch of financing the night of their high school student’s dreams.

In a recent study published by VISA, adding up the dress, shoes, makeup, nails, tux, flowers, dinner, limo and dance tickets totals an amazing $1,139,00 in 2013-far more than any teens that I know can afford.

So the question is, is it worth it?

Read more about prom costs in my article, “How to Avoid Overspending on Prom and Have Fun Doing It” and see what you think…is one night worth the cost?

Do you remember how much you spent on your prom? Has your child gone to prom recently? How did you handle the high cost of prom night?

Yahoo liked my article so much they added it into their feature, “Soaring and ‘genuinely silly’ prom costs prompt families to budget for big dance” on The Lookout Yahoo! News blog!

Jennifer Wolfe

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Real Heroes: Jason Collins, Magic Johnson, and Ryan White

Posted on April 30, 2013 by Jennifer Wolfe

English: Los Angeles Lakers Magic Johnson and Boston Celtics Larry Bird in Game two of the 1985 NBA Finals at Boston Garden (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s 1992. Magic Johnson, recently retired from the NBA, announces that he is HIV-positive. America is just learning about AIDS, and is frightened. The gay communities are plagued with disease and seeing their community devastated by HIV related illnesses and death. It isn’t cool to come out-certainly not for sports figures, celebrities, or anyone else fearing discrimination from the public.

I remember when Magic made his historic announcement. I was sitting at my grandparent’s kitchen table in Sherman Oaks, California, reading the paper to my grandfather, and noticing that, despite the generation gap, he didn’t flinch when the news came out. I remember admiring Magic’s amazing courage to disclose his ‘secret’, and wondering how that would impact our culture. At this time, HIV was a ‘gay disease’, and I remember thinking Magic had amazing courage to put himself in the same category.

I was a young teacher at the time, and had recently shared a book about Ryan White with my middle school class. Ryan White died of AIDS in 1990 at the age of eighteen, after being expelled from his middle school due to his HIV-infection. I didn’t think twice about the controversial nature of the book; I simply thought this was a story that needed to be shared. I had no political or personal motivation, other than I believed that knowledge is the best education, and when we know more we can do more. I knew HIV wasn’t a ‘gay disease’, but feared I was in the minority at my school.

English: This photo of Ryan White was taken by me (Wildhartlivie) in the spring of 1989 at a fund raising event in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Around the same time, Tommy Lasorda, the famous manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, faced his own personal tragedy when his son, Tommy Junior, died at the age of thirty-three. When interviewed by journalist Peter Richmond, Lasorda reacted strongly to the idea that his son was gay:

“Back in his suite, in the residence area of Dodgertown, I ask him if it was difficult having a gay son.

“My son wasn’t gay,” he says evenly, no anger. “No way. No way. I read that in a paper. I also read in that paper that a lady gave birth to a fuckin’ monkey, too. That’s not the fuckin’ truth. That’s not the truth.”

I ask him if he read in the same paper that his son had died of AIDS.

“That’s not true,” he says.

I say that I thought a step forward had been taken by Magic Johnson’s disclosure of his own HIV infection, that that’s why some people in Los Angeles expected him to…

“Hey,” he says. “I don’t care what people…I know what my son died of. I know what he died of. The doctor put out a report of how he died. He died of pneumonia.””

How sad to lose your son at such a young age, and feel such shame over his sexual identity that even in his death, his father felt compelled to be the ‘tough guy’ and deny everything. What a lost opportunity for so many young athletes to feel ok about themselves and their sexual orientation. How many lives could have been saved if more people had the courage to tell the truth? How much progress could have been made if more people could have lived their lives openly and honestly?

Fast forward to 2013. Jason Collins, of the Washington Wizards, makes an announcement:

“I’m a 34-year-old NBA center. I’m black. And I’m gay.

I didn’t set out to be the first openly gay athlete playing in a major American team sport. But since I am, I’m happy to start the conversation. I wish I wasn’t the kid in the classroom raising his hand and saying, “I’m different.” If I had my way, someone else would have already done this. Nobody has, which is why I’m raising my hand.”

When I read Collins’ statement, I immediately flashed back to Magic Johnson and remembered the panic many felt about his HIV status in the 90s-could he infect other athletes through sweating or contact with them? Would he be treated the same now that he was infected with the ‘gay disease’?

And then I felt admiration for Collins. His courage is honorable; to come out as the first openly gay athlete takes not only a tremendous amount of self-confidence, but also self-love. He isn’t afraid of the repercussions of his statement, and if he is, he doesn’t show it. The public sees a strong, masculine, successful athlete who just happens to be gay. At 7’, 255 pounds, he may break the ‘gay stereotype’ that is still perpetuated by some.

Another step forwards in this story. Another moment in time, bound to mark history. Another brave face to admire and look up to.

And all the time I’m feeling like we are moving forward with our society becoming more tolerant and accepting of sexuality and differences, I’m also feeling sad that it’s even an issue at all. I wish we could forget about what people do in their bedrooms-gay and straight-and get to the real important issues: how we treat each other and move through the world together.

Thank you Magic, Tommy, Ryan and Jason. Thank you for having courage, for not being afraid to share your reality, and for helping to teach our children of the 21st century. You are real heroes.

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Jennifer Wolfe

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