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Middle school can be the most confusing time for students and parents in their educational career.  Everything ‘known’ about school is shifting, and hormones are often kicking into gear at the same time.  Students want more independence, and parents want to do the right thing.  Instead of letting teens ‘sink or swim’, try a more balanced approach.  Teens definitely need to learn responsibility and independence, but they also require structure and supervision more than ever.  By following these simple tips you may be able to crack the middle school confusion code and have a more happy and stress free experience.

Step 1:  Attend Back To School Night, Parent Nights and Open House.

Everyone has busy schedules, but this is an important show of support to your child, their teacher and school community.  These nights often are times to sign up for email lists, learn about the course, and at a minimum get a ‘visual’ of where your child spends their day, and who their teachers are.

Step 2:  Expect homework every night.

Follow the school’s homework policy or create one of your own.  If you teen says they ‘don’t have any homework’, ask to see their planner or sit down with them to check the school or teacher website.  If they truly have nothing assigned, require them to read a book, graphic novel, or magazine of their choice for 20-30 minutes.

Step 3:  Set aside a regular time and quiet place to study.

In middle school it is important to create and/or maintain good study habits.  Not only will it help improve grades, but will assist students as they enter more rigorous high school courses that count towards college entrance.  Bedrooms, kitchen tables, and family rooms all can be acceptable study areas as long as they are equipped with a writing surface, are relatively free of distractions, and have a place for teens to store their school supplies and books when not in  use.  Many teens are able to listen to music while studying-TV and computers are generally more distracting.  Also, turn phones on silent to discourage the temptation to read texts while concentrating.

Step 4:  Check your child’s planner/backpack/binder regularly.

Not every teen is a born organizer.  They need help finding a system that works for them.  Teach them how to use a calendar to write down homework, preferably something that will clip into a 3 ring binder.  Try using one binder for all classes-it will cut down on the misplaced papers and forgotten assignments in lockers.  Once a week, dump out backpacks and book bags.  Hole punch loose papers and put in their binder behind dividers for each subject.

Step 5: Make studying fun.

Some teens have shorter attention spans than others.  Try setting a timer for 15-20 minutes of solid concentration.  Take a 5 minute break, then resume studying.  Make sure they have a full tummy-hunger can be very distracting.  Try Skype or FaceTime-teens are social by nature and may surprise you with their ability to work with a partner.  Studying with a friend at home or in a cafe can also be a nice change of pace.

Step 6:  Provide encouragement, clear expectations and logical consequences.

Middle school is a time for kids to learn what works and doesn’t work for them.  Rewards and consequences are an effective tool to help teens stay on track.  Try to use a one week system-many kids today are used to instant gratification and waiting for a month or two is too long.  Figure out what they really like, value or want and use that as your motivator!

Step 7:  Be proactive with teachers.

Middle school teachers often have 100+ students.  While they may want to contact you, often times they aren’t able to let you know about problems and successes as soon as you’d like them to.  Make sure to get on email distribution lists.  Send teachers an email every week or two asking specific questions about your student.  Think of yourself, your child and their teachers as a team that is working together to provide the best educational experience possible.

Step 8:  Expect success and understand struggles.

Teens are bound to encounter subjects that challenge them in middle school.  Earning straight A’s is not in every subject.  By setting high expectations yet understanding their struggles teens will learn that you are listening and care about them.  When teens are scared to talk to their parents about grades it becomes unproductive and unsafe.  Encourage them to do their best everyday, and understand when they make mistakes.  They’re still learning!

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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While my 8th grade students are learning about the Constitution, the Bill of Rights and the American Revolution, history is being made right in front of us.  Colonists, in the form of UC Davis students, are rebelling against the Red Coats, in the form of the administration and the government. And just like in the Revolution, it all started with a shot heard round the world. Only this time the shot came from a can of pepper spray.

What began on Nov. 15 as a peaceful Occupy UCD protest on the university quad climaxed as a violent confrontation between students and police. Students, tired of being “taxed” for their education, revolted against their oppressors, the “government.”  They organized and chanted: “Black, brown, Asian, White, 99 percent unite”. The problem is, as they organized, they did not count on the 50-plus police officers turning their revolution into a full-fledged attack.

Armed only with signs proclaiming “Beat Wall Street Not Students” and “People Over Profit,” students occupied administration buildings the first day and then the quad the next. They were asked to leave, but they didn’t, so they were arrested. And as they sat peacefully, they were systematically doused with yellow flumes pepper spray. With their message clear, the police then dispersed, leaving students in pain and confusion.

And now I’m confused.  What really is happening here? Students and professors acted within their rights to peacefully assemble and voice their freedom of speech on their campus that they have paid inflated prices to attend. Aren’t the salaries of these officers paid by the students whom they are supposed to protect?

Everyone knows the status of public education in California. There’s not enough money to run programs, pay salaries, or equip facilities to meet 21st century standards.  Protest chants of “Education must be free, no cuts, no fees” have been shouted by university students and professors trying to get their message out. And in return, they are silenced with spray?

Who is leading this revolution? How can the tables turn from a peaceful protest to police intervention?
Police are not supposed to be part of the problem. If seated students linking arms are not breaking the law, don’t spray them. If they are breaking the law, then why did the police spray and then leave the scene?

Where have the students’ rights gone? Systematically arresting students would seem to both acknowledge their rights to occupy their own campus as well as send a message to others to disperse or accept the consequences. Where are the people’s rights over profit here?

Maybe the police didn’t count on the students’ ability to fight back with media. Armed with cell phones and video cameras, our tech-savvy citizens’ ability to tweet and harness the power of the web provided them invaluable ammunition to their fight. The cameras do not lie — they are just another tool for nonviolent protestors to gather their troops and spread the word.  The Red Coats are coming. Link together. Stand strong in the face of oppressors.

So now we prepare for a revolution with the real message becoming lost in the muddle of the war. The issue is far from over.  The troops are now strategizing, both sides arming themselves and readying to launch a new offensive. And as Patrick Henry tried to teach us over 300 years ago, “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people; it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government-lest it come to dominate our lives and interests.”

Maybe everyone should sit down together on the grass for a minute and think about that.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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In the mountains of Nicaragua

Just over a year ago I traveled with my two children to Nicaragua.  I learned HUGE lessons from this trip-some immediate, some upon reflection.  So when I was asked to be a guest writer about ’embracing abundance’ on G.G. Vandagriff’s blog, this experience came to mind.  Here’s a sample:

” I get really tired of excuses.  In fact, in my classroom when my 8th and 9th graders try to excuse their behavior, lack of homework, or unpreparedness I tell them kindly yet firmly, “Excuses are useless.”  Initially a quizzical look forms on their face, and then they start to stammer…which is exactly when I interject my reasoning.  Everyone has issues.  Everyone is busy.  Everyone can blame someone, something, or some “whatever” for anything.  But what’s the point?  It’s not about the excuse.  It’s about being responsible, respectful, honest and courageous enough to create the kind of success we want in life.  Some get the idea more quickly than others.  I just hope that before they end their year with me, they’ve at least thought about it…”

To read more, please click over to G.G’s blog-you’ll not only get to read the rest of my Nicaraguan life lesson, but you’ll find a blog and website full of intriguing writing.  G.G.’s bio says, “My new book “The Only Way to Paradise” is the result of intense immersion in the Florentine and Tuscan culture, and most of it was written there. Of course, the art and landscape are spectacular, but what makes my heart sing are the people. I think that they are born with a genetic tendency to agape (unconditional love).”

So go on, check it out! Why not?

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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Where I went to high school

The 25 mile commute each day from the bubble of a community I grew up in took me from a place where crime wasn’t something we worried about. We hardly ever locked our doors, and if we broke curfew (or any other teenage rule) someone always saw us and informed our parents.  We knew everyone at school, and there was no escaping a reputation that siblings had left behind.  We went to school from kindergarten through graduation among children we played in sandboxes with-some might have called it utopia.  Until one day…

May 4, 1983:

Thong Hy Huynh was a new kid in town.  His family had recently immigrated from Vietnam, hoping for a better life. He was quiet-in fact, so quiet that I never even met him. I never knew his name until the day he was killed on campus.

On that day, life in our idyllic little town changed forever.  One minute we were walking to Home Ec during our senior year, preparing for another period of delightful cooking instruction.  The next minute, total chaos erupted just around the corner from our classroom.  People were screaming and a huge crowd hovered near the art room.  For a moment I thought it must be just another fight-not that fighting was an everyday occurrence.  But the teacher’s grave expressions and composed panic told me this was more-much more.

Thong was different.  He didn’t speak English fluently, and had seen horrors in his native country we can only imagine.  At that moment on May 4, he was defending a friend who was being tormented by a red haired, light skinned bully.  Words were exchanged, and before anyone knew it Thong was down, stabbed and bleeding to death.

Eight years after his death, I remember what I felt when I began teaching in my new community.  I felt different.  I was out of my comfort zone.  I felt scared and insecure.  But after a few weeks, I felt myself relaxing. I felt the love and trust of my students and their parents as they realized my care was genuine, and my passion for teaching began to override my fears of being ‘different’.

I don’t think it was until then, years after Thong died, that I really realized what Maya Angelou was saying.  And now, when my daughter walks past his memorial plaque at the high school I hope she understands.  Actually, I know she understands.  Because what I learned from Thong and my students is a part of me, and the message flows from my heart and actions into my children at home and at school.  We ARE more alike than we know, and being different is what makes life such a beautiful experience.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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