9/11: It started like any ordinary day.
“No, he died,” I reply, choking back tears at her innocence.
loving fiercely | teaching audaciously | thinking deeply
Posted on September 11, 2011 by Jennifer Wolfe
“No, he died,” I reply, choking back tears at her innocence.
Posted on August 21, 2011 by Jennifer Wolfe
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This week children are weighing heavily on my mind. Preparing to return to my classroom, I am overrun with emotions, nerves, memories, fears, and expectations. Starting up a new school year is supposed to be exciting-a fresh start, a new chapter in the life of a child, a time for families to gather together and celebrate a new beginning. Yet as I go through each day, it seems as if I’m bombarded by children in crisis. It scares me.
I’ve been teaching for 20 years, mostly all of those in junior high schools. I’m used to dealing with kids as they experience the joys of ‘tween’ and ‘teen’ years. But this month it feels different. Less exciting. More serious.
What is happening to our children? Are things really so different from when I walked the halls of my school as a 9th grader, mainly concerned about how my overalls looked (it was the 70’s) and if my hair had curled correctly that morning? Sure, I had friends who had family problems, and knew kids who got in trouble. But all this?
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Who is making the choices here? Parents know that we need to empower our children, teach them how to be confident, strong, mature humans. We choose to give them experiences that will nurture their talents, expose them to the world, and teach them how to survive when they leave home. We remember images of our babies, smiling up at us as we hold them. Our toddlers curiously pulling everything out of drawers. Our kindergarteners learning to write and glue and skip. Our elementary school students lining up, playing ball, and performing class musicals. Our teens biking to school alone, having slumber parties, getting their drivers license. Our graduates, leaving home. But these kids-what are they learning? That life is hard. That children can be powerless. That even good parents can make bad choices. That no one is listening?
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What I’ve learned from decades of working with teens is that they almost always want to do the right thing. Kids don’t always know what the ‘right’ thing is-but they usually can find their way if someone takes the time to listen to them. I’ve learned that kids like limits-they like to have things to choose from. And yes, they will challenge – testing limits is a natural process in learning. They like choice. Kids don’t like to be boxed in and feel like all the adults in their life know what’s best for them. They like to be listened to. I’ve learned that children shouldn’t be seen and not heard.
What I’m still learning is that bad things happen. Adults will make choices that have superb and terrible impact on kids, and that’s the way life works. I’m still learning that kids are strong, resilient and remarkable and can survive and thrive despite amazing experiences that would send most of us screaming into the abyss.
Please, listen and hear what they’re saying. Give them a voice. Give them a choice.
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Posted on June 28, 2011 by Jennifer Wolfe
Sometimes we don’t know where we’re headed. Actually, most of the time. This is especially hard if you’re one of those people who likes to know where they’re going-all of the time. Like me.
I’m not much of a risk taker. I don’t like high places, ledges, surprises, or the unknown. I like to have a plan. I like lists, planners, recipes and getting things done. But every once in awhile I surprise myself, and take a step. Sometimes they are baby steps, sometimes, mamabear steps, and sometimes I just jump without thinking or looking. Those are the scary ones to me, and more often than not I end up regretting something about them. Especially when it involves over-indulgence. But lately I’ve taken a few mamabear steps that have actually come out ok.
I was talking with a new friend the other day, and we were discussing what it’s like to be our age and feel like we’re getting to the place where change is really quite scary, especially if it involves careers, money and doing something that other people (younger ones) are more skilled at, more experienced at, or maybe just more courageous. We agreed that sometimes ‘putting ourselves out there’ is essential to open the door of life just a tinge wider, giving us a new view and opening up the possibility that ‘there’ will respond. And the crazy thing is, it usually does.
This has happened to me a couple of times over the last few years, giving me the confidence to now keep the door propped open. Just a tinge. For some of us just taking the jump into parenthood is the opening. For some, finishing school, a project, taking a trip or creating something just for the sake of creativity. Like a blog.
What I’ve learned is that Lao Tzu’s famous quote, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” is absolutely true. That step can be small, medium, or large, but it’s a step all the same. And usually, if you’re on firm ground to begin with, the step comes out ok. And then another one can follow right after it. If the ground beneath you is muddy, crumbly, or slippery, that step might take longer or require some thought, but it still can be done. What I’m still learning is that I can trust myself to take the step, and to know that there are so many people in my life that will hold my hand if I need help to get down the path.