What To Say When Your Child Leaves For College

Three years ago, on this day in 2014, I was wondering what to say when I dropped my daughter off at college. It should have been simple, right? I write voraciously. I’m an educator. I’ve hundreds of kids leave the comfort of home and be absolutely fine. I’ve had good friends to mentor me through what to expect, just like during pregnancy. When your child leaves for college was most certainly a topic on the tip of my consciousness.

But on that day, when it was my 18-year-old baby girl launching off to another state, I was stuck.

I drafted and erased and revised and published getting ready for graduation essays, college tour recaps and leaving home for spending the summers at Mt. Hood. I’d survived a year with my 8th-grade son unexpectedly moving to the mountains to train for the Junior Olympics, yet I was a wreck figuring out how to handle his accident 10 days before her college move in day, a flooded kitchen and my own over-the-top anxiety. This definitely was not going according to plan.

And on this day, three years later, Facebook reminds me of our beautiful, bittersweet drive across the Utah Salt Flats, 10 hours of me and you and wondering how I would manage to say everything that I wanted/needed/should say in the next 24 hours.

I’m a Gen X parent. I grew up with a kind of free-range parenting, knowing I should be home before dark and feeling invincible. We hadn’t heard of HIV, or date-rape, or helicopter parenting. And here I am, the first generation of parents raising the i-kid, happily doling out dollars for the tech that would keep me connected – a part of my baby’s world 650 miles away.

Now I needed to figure out how to employ a kind of ‘stealth-parenting’ – finding the walk to back up my talk, if I could even figure out what that ‘talk’ was. After listening to her college president speak at the convocation, I scribbled out a letter to my college bound daughter. It’s been my most viewed post of all time – I guess I’m not alone in wondering what to say when your child leaves for college after all.

When Your Child Leaves For College

Two years ago – on this day – I became a shuttle driver, watching both my babies paddle out into a Utah river, scramble up a waterfall, and leaving me alone in a hotel room as they chose a campsite over room service. Thank you, Facebook, for reminding me that she could survive her first year of college, and so could I. Nervously relaxing in that hotel room, I struggled with my monkey-mind – what do I say when your child leaves for college the second time? What words does she need to hear – or do I? No longer was I dishing out advice about dorm rooms and ‘firsts’ – suddenly, adulting was more real than ever. My cyber-stealthing had helped somewhat; Instagram and Snapchat offered glimpses into the life I was sure she didn’t really want me to know much about, yet I was desperate to see.

The second year she was on her own, shopping at Costco and stocking up her apartment. She was cooking meals and going to classes and occasionally sharing a bit with me. Driving back, watching the sun rise over her city, the tears came. This time felt different, lonely, hopeful. I comforted myself by writing a letter to parents leaving their kids at college and didn’t look back-most of the time.

One year ago, summer started with her first study abroad, words only shared through sparse wifi connections along the Camino de Santiago. Adventuring is in her blood, and for the first time, I sank into the trust that things will be well, that she will be well, that I will be well. The power of prayer and hope and the knowledge that she would have to figure things out without my advice allowed for us to grow – mostly, for me, I admit. I couldn’t wait to see her, to hug her and note the changes that exploration had inked into her spirit. The third year leaving her at college was more about my transformation into wholeness; I was turning 50 and felt the crack widening. I learned to look at life as it is, to embrace change and hopefully anticipate the changes of motherhood in front of me.

This year I didn’t have to worry about what to say as I dropped her off because it didn’t actually happen. She’s officially adulting now, and never really came home. I traded my tech for travel and bought a ticket to visit her instead. I spent seven glorious days immersing myself in her life, discovering her city and the places she likes to buy her coffee and have special dinners out. I met her friends and bought her wine. We adulted together, no words needed, and then she dropped me off at the airport with a hug and a smile and a glint of a tear in her eye.

Now, her fourth year, I realize this: it’s not the words you say when you’re leaving your child at college, it’s the words you say when you’re not there. It’s how you find a way to be that safe place to fall back to, the warm demander from a distance. It’s the words you say when they fight with their roommate or fall in-or out-of love. It’s the words when you wish you were there to wrap yourself around her, to hold her close and smell the coconut shampoo in her hair and help her through.

It turns out, leaving her at college isn’t the hardest part; having her not come home is worse. This year, leaving her at college is more about leaving her childhood and welcoming her adulthood.

These are my words to help me through this one. Feel free to let me know if you have any advice.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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A New Approach To Teaching Writing With Hyperdocs

Teachers, you’ve got to try a new approach to teaching writing with hyperdocs.

What are hyperdocs? According to their creators, Lisa Highfill, Kelly Hilton and Sarah Landis, hyperdocs are “a transformative, interactive, personalized engaging too to help facilitate student creativity and collaboration” (The Hyperdoc Handbook).

And I can testify that hyperdocs have done exactly that to the way I teach writing: they’ve transformed and personalized my teaching to enhance student creativity and create a collaborative classroom where kids are excited about learning and producing high-quality work.

And they’re super fun, too!

A New Approach To Teaching Writing With Hyperdocs

Hyperdocs start with a teacher creating a template using Google docs or slides to package their content in a visually appealing and organized way to offer students choice and voice with their learning. By using Google Suite, students collaborate, create, reflect and connect and apply their learning at their own pace and meet their own needs. I’ve found that using hyperdocs in my middle school classroom has not only allowed me to coach them more easily and discover areas that need reteaching or mini lessons prior to submitting a finished product, but they allow students to better control their learning and self-differentiate.

Here’s an example of a hyperdoc I use to teach narrative writing:

Click on the link to download your own copy! Narrative writing draft, revise, edit, reflect and publish hyperdocs

I created this hyperdoc, but it was adapted from @sarahlandis and © HyperDocs. That’s one of the best parts of “hyperdoc-ing” – they’ve created a community of teachers sharing curriculum, enabling virtual collaboration and creating content that keeps getting better and richer and more creative from lesson to lesson.

As you can see from my narrative writing hyperdoc, I’m able to package my narrative writing unit from draft to publish using one Google doc. Before hyperdocs, a typical writing unit would revolve around me planning lots of direct instruction lessons for the whole class, and then offer time to draft during class or at home. I would spend most of the class period instructing from the front with the occasional writing conference at my desk. I felt disengaged from the work in progress. All students would start and end at the same place, regardless of their ability, interest or work ethic.

When I migrated to teaching writing with hyperdocs, I found a way to capture all the cool tools and techniques I’d been wanting to try. I quickly realized that by allowing my students to see the whole project at once, I could not only allow students to move at their own pace, but I could monitor work and offer feedback much more easily. To my great surprise, however, was the instant collaboration that erupted in my classroom. Students were suddenly working on video mini-lessons together. They were reflecting on techniques and explaining editing tools to each other. I was rotating around the room, looking over shoulders and tracking progress. I moved to teaching 5-10 minute whole group mini-lessons explaining tech tools or working on time management every other day, spending the rest of the class period answering questions and partnering up kids to help each other. Absent students didn’t miss out – they had everything they needed to work from home or pick right back up when they returned. My classroom hums with activity and focus and my students are writing – a lot.

My favorite part of teaching writing with hyperdocs is how they facilitate the publish and reflect portions of the process. I love to embed a link to a Google form for students to respond to direct questions about their writing process, as well as to ask for feedback and new ideas for improving the next unit. I’ve been pleasantly surprised with the ideas that are generated, and the student thinking that happens when asked to share the tools they used, or what they want to improve for the next writing project. Hyperdocs have also allowed me to offer a myriad of choices for student publishing. I can differentiate the rigor of a variety of platforms, allowing students to choose not only which final project will best represent their story, but also how much time they want to devote to learning a new publishing tool or falling back on something more familiar. And finally, after publishing, hyperdocs offer a way to promote an extension of the lessons for kids who need an extra challenge or want multiple modes of expressing or enhancing their learning.

If you’d like more copies of hyperdocs, I’m happy to share – just send me an email with the subject you’re looking for, and if I have something, I’ll share the Google Doc/Slides. I also have a Pinterest board for hyperdoc tools.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about a new approach to teaching writing with hyperdocs – once you try them, I know you’ll be hooked! If you’d like an overview, check out Laura Moore’s Narrative Writing hyperdoc outlining when/how to teach narrative at different grade levels, and how to scaffold during the year.

I originally wrote this post for The Educator’s Room. You should check it out – it’s full of resources for teacher AND parents!

Jennifer Wolfe

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Teens aren't all that different in Indonesia

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Teaching Teenagers In Indonesia – They’re Not So Different From American Teens

*This is an update of posts chronicling my Teaching In Jakarta, Indonesia, During Ramadan. As part of the U.S. State Department of Education’s IREX program, 10 teachers and I spent two weeks traveling, teaching, and creating friendships with Indonesian students. This trip was life-changing for me as a woman and a teacher; so many stereotypes of the Muslim religion and Ramadan were altered due to my ability to meet the Indonesian students, teachers, and families and observe what their daily life was like, what they valued, and how many similarities American and Indonesian teens share. As so many today are celebrating Ramadan, I’d like to share some of my experiences traveling in a Muslim country during their most holy time. I’d love to hear your stories of international travel and how it has changed your world, too.

~Jennifer

Sitting in my western style hotel room, sitting in a comfortable bed sipping coffee and watching CNN, I might think I’m at home in America. Then I hear the faint strains of the morning prayers broadcast outside, and am instantly clear that outside this window is a completely different world than what I’m used to. Teaching teenagers in Indonesia is opening up my ways of thinking.

Systems in Indonesia

After only 76 hours in Indonesia, I’m beginning to understand some of the systems. The Indonesian people are all about hospitality and helpfulness, even when they don’t speak my language. I’m having a hard time learning Indonesian phrases – for some reason, they don’t hit my ear correctly and I cannot memorize even the simplest words. Teenagers in Indonesia aren’t really all that different than teens in America – but the schools are. Gender separation, strict uniforms, and forcing the teachers to move rooms instead of the students are unlike U.S. schools, but the goals and interests of Indonesian teens are amazingly similar.

What NOT to do in Indonesia

I’ve learned not to take photos in a grocery store, to use my hand in a downward flat palm position when I need to push through a crowd (personal space is very limited), and that cold Bintang beer tastes great after a day hanging out with a Komodo dragon in the 91-degree humid weather.

I’ve learned that teachers in Indonesia worry about many of the same things we do in the US – how to celebrate and teach diversity, how to engage students who are more interested in social media than school, and how to preserve their cultural identity, all on a salary of $150-$300/month.

Indonesian school project about climate change.

Learning from each other

Today I begin teaching in a religious boarding school. I’m hopeful that I make easy connections with the students and can understand what we can do to make our world a little bit better by working together. I know the Indonesian people are as eager to learn from us as I am from them.

Jennifer Wolfe

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Want Your Child To Get The Best Education? Here’s How

One thing parents have in common is that they want the best for their kids. As a parent, it is almost impossible not to give into the urge to put them first. You want them to succeed, and you will do whatever it takes to make it happen. Well, what it takes is a top education. Studies show people with a high level of education make it to the top of the pile, while the less educated flounder. So, it is time to ensure your children are getting the best education possible, and here’s how you and your kids reach that target. Do you want your child to get the best education? Here’s some ideas:

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Make Sure They Sleep

Kids don’t have any energy or focus without the right amount of sleep. All they do have the energy for is watching the clock, waiting for the final bell. Obviously, this hinders their education as they might spend more time looking at the walls than at a textbook. To combat this, they need to be fresh and ready to go when they wake up in the morning. Sure, they won’t look their attentive best at half 6, but they will soon get into the day. By the time they sit down in their first lesson, their mind will be like a sponge.

Don’t Leave Work At School

Going to school is just the foundation for their education – the cherry on top of the cake is the work they do at home. Not only is it an excellent way to consume more information, but it’s also a good way to comprehend the material. As a parent, you know that teachers and educators have a lot on their plate. In fact, some of them have a busier schedule than the President, which means they don’t have time to teach one on one. You, on the other hand, have plenty of time when you are at home to talk through the process and explain the material. If they can’t get the quality of teaching at school, then give it to them at home.

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Shoot For The Stars

The work they put in at school dictates where they will go to college. If you want them to go to a college with esteem, you need to start prepping for it early because Harvard has minimal places. Not only is there a lot of competition, but there is a way to handle the process. The Ivy League schools have a formula, and kids need to know it before they commit. Thankfully, there are Ivy League admissions consulting lessons for those of you that don’t know the method or how to pass the info along. Let the experts take of the issues that you can’t, and your kids will have a better chance of being accepted.

Start Saving

You don’t need telling, but it is worth a reminder. Further education in the US is expensive, especially at places like Yale and Stanford. If they are going to have any chance of getting the best education, you are going to have to find the cash. A little tip is to save now so that you have the majority of the money in place before they’re eighteen.

An education is important, but a top education opens doors.

Jennifer Wolfe

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4 Easy Tips For Moms To Keep Organized

I like to keep my kids busy – and organized. The students in my middle school classroom know that from start to finish each period will be packed with learning, accountability, and hopefully a little bit of fun. I followed the same philosophy with my own children; school comes first, but activities play an essential role in keeping life running smoothly. Beginning at age 2, my kids participated in sports, music and art lessons, and what I’ve learned is that keeping organized makes the difference between managing and madness when school and activity schedules need to co-exist.

My number 1 rule for keeping it all together? Stay organized.

Tip # 1: Get a calendar.

I live by planners, calendars, and to-do lists – for myself as well as my children. My kids have always played one year-round sport, and one seasonal sport, which helps keep them busy but not overwhelmed. As they aged, I let them determine what they could handle in terms of time. To keep track, over the years I’ve evolved from purely pencil and paper calendars to embracing the digital age. Every school year I purchase a “Mom’s Planner” that goes with me to work and school. I find it handy to jot notes, grocery lists, important phone numbers, and insurance information. This way, wherever I am I can fill out forms, sign up for events, and make contacts with other parents.

Tip #2: Harness the power of your smart phone.

The advent of smartphones keeps kids and parents organized on a whole new level. Suddenly, my teens were setting their own calendar reminders for piano lessons and dental appointments. They could text when they were running late, and if they needed to change their lesson time, it was up to them. Just in case, for recurring practices or lessons I set an automatic reminder to beep me 15-30 minutes ahead of time, helping me (and them) to never miss a beat.

Tip #3: Streamline meals.

Keeping organized with meals is another challenge. Again, I rely on a weekly menu planner and grocery list. Choosing meals a week ahead saves money on last minute trips to the grocery store, as well as eliminates the “What are we having for dinner” question when you only have 60 minutes between karate and piano lessons. I love the apps that allow me to keep multiple lists for different stores, and when the kids want something specific, they can add it – no forgetting the paper list on the refrigerator for us!

Tip #4: Sort out school.

Finally, as a teacher, I completely believe the key to school success is to keep organized. Make sure that homework and study time is scheduled and adhered to. Let your kids figure out how they want to organize their study space – just because it worked for you might not mean it will work for them. Teens today have different resources and different strategies – but staying on top of due dates, supplies, binders, backpacks and upcoming projects will help your kids earn the grades they desire.

Why not start today? Talk to your kids about what is working and what’s stressing them out. For little ones, give them a few choices about how they’d like to stay organized. Listen to your teen’s ideas, and try one for a focused period of time – then re-evaluate. Keeping organized is a necessary and valuable life-long skill – one your children will practice for a lifetime.

Jennifer Wolfe

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When Your Child Leaves For College

Related articles

A New Approach To Teaching Writing With Hyperdocs

I originally wrote this post for The Educator’s Room. You should check it out – it’s full of resources for teacher AND parents!

Related articles

Systems in Indonesia

What NOT to do in Indonesia

Learning from each other

Make Sure They Sleep

Don’t Leave Work At School

Shoot For The Stars

Start Saving

My number 1 rule for keeping it all together? Stay organized.

Tip # 1: Get a calendar.

Tip #2: Harness the power of your smart phone.

Tip #3: Streamline meals.

Tip #4: Sort out school.