When Are You Really Your True Self?

Posted on November 20, 2017 by Jennifer Wolfe

When are you really your true self?

Flying to St. Louis last week, I finally had a quiet moment to finish listening to Ali MacGraw’s interview on the Super Soul podcast. Plane travel isn’t always pleasant for me – my anxiety kicks in and the only way I can balance my wanderlust and my irrational fears of heights and closed spaces is to distract my mind with whatever means possible. And when I am lucky enough to have a window seat…well, that is a curse and a blessing.

I have huge gratitude for podcasts and books in those moments…

I suppose it isn’t too coincidental that I’m thinking about my true self while the demons of plane crashes and motion sickness are dueling it out in my monkey mind. Looking out the window over the Rocky mountains, knowing down below are thousands of souls just like me, moving through their work days and trying to do the best they can, without the benefit of being isolated inside a metal tube with the thought-provoking words of Ali McGraw soothing my worries helped me breathe deeply. Settling into my seat, I allowed myself to be truly present. I allowed myself to look out the tiny oval window and know that all would be well, that the raindrops on the outside were reminders that I am here, now, exactly where I should be.

Travel offers the opportunity to be our true selves. Away from home, anonymous in our human package, we may carry out authenticity. Travel strips us of our comfort zone, our ability to fall back into the shadows and hide in our places of control. Travel reminds us that we are real, just one tiny piece in the massive yet minute conglomeration of humanity. We look around airports and hotel lobbies and fantasize If we could just have that life… maybe then ____________ (fill in the blank with hopes and dreams).

Seriously – why not? I’m just real person trying to figure myself out. I’m just a white woman, traveling alone, knowing there’s a high likelihood I will arrive at my destination and life will be just fine.

But the monkey mind jumps in as I shiver and remember I’m thousands of miles up in the clouds, at the mercy of a pilot (whom I noticed with great glee was female) – and think Jen, when are you out of your mind joyful? When are you really your true self – when you’re back IRL, in your home and your classroom in your small hometown surrounded every day by people who know you, from childhood to adulthood, when are you really settling back into that seat and breathing deeply? Is your true self shining through the clouds right at this moment? Are you a model of what a woman could or would or should be?

Motherhood was never a goal for me. I never thought much about it until I was worried it would never happen. I established some arbitrary goal of being 30 and pregnant and now looking back, with that child I bore in that third decade living so far away, I wonder if that was my true-self speaking or perhaps the idea of what I thought I should be or maybe, most likely, the Universe whispering to me that she was ready to join us.

Whatever magical, powerful force brought her to me, I know that she is what brings me unconscious focus and pure joy. I know when I’m in the present moment because I feel all the grounding of the spirits that came before me, all the safety and soundness and rightness that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.

I know I’m really my true self when I’m in the kitchen and watching my beautiful almost-grown boy cook and chatter about his goals or progress in school or why he’s so excited to move away to college or start his next phase- what he feels school has really prepared him for.

I’m really my true self when I’m aware I’m avoiding wishing it were another time, or that we were back snuggling on the couch on Friday nights, sleeping bags all around and pillows stacked to the ceiling. I’m not wishing we were biking together to school or holding hands when we cross the street or sitting on the kitchen counter beside me while we beat cookie batter…

I am my true self right now, and it’s ok. In fact, it’s awesome. Those memory-moments wind together to help remind me that yes, I am here and I am human and I have made choices that right or wrong, sideways or upsidedown, have led me to this instant of sitting alone on a plane, traveling to a place I’ve never been but which is covered with the footprints of those who came before me. I am my true self right now and in that space, may I keep making a difference in this moment. Slowly, often unwittingly, I’m unpeeling the secret to inner peace, looking for gratitude in every corner. I’m enjoying the small moments and trying to focus on what is in front of me while resting in the comfort of having experienced all the joys and sorrows of life that has come before. I’m learning that the richness of life comes from beyond what we are experiencing right now, and rests in the journey we have survived.

I used to think my legacy was built on the quest to be better, to find perfection and then I could relax. I know now that perfection paralyzes, and when I sit back, breathe, and find joy in the moment I am really my true self – and I like her. I’m proud of her, too.

As the podcast concludes, I rush to jot down Ali’s response to reflecting on her life’s journey, and where she sees her legacy. I smile, rewind, and know that if I’m lucky and say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ at the right times, I might be lucky enough to be known as “the crazy lady in a black dress with a bunch of silver bracelets and 439 stray dogs” too.

Touch down. I’ve landed.

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a writer-teacher-mom, is dedicated to finding the extraordinary in the ordinary moments of life by thinking deeply, loving fiercely, and teaching audaciously. Jennifer is a Google Certified Educator, Hyperdoc fanatic, and a voracious reader. Read her stories on her blog, mamawolfe, and grab free copies of her teaching and parenting resources.

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Recapturing The Love Of Teaching: NCTE17

Posted on November 17, 2017 by Jennifer Wolfe

Greetings from St. Louis! I’m presenting about recapturing the love of teaching at NCTE17 today!

Since starting my blog in 2011, my life is so different!

I’ve been on adventures around the country and the world. I’ve met amazing writers and educators. I’ve been published on websites, in books, and in magazines. I’ve even been on TV!

Today I’m presenting at #NCTE17 with two women I met through blogging – Riina Hirsch and Katie Sluiter. We’ll be presenting on how social media and blogging helped us recapture our love of teaching at 11:00 in St. Louis – if you’re at NCTE, please message me, stop by the presentation, or comment back and connect!

Click HERE to view our Recapturing The Love Of Teaching presentation.

If you’re at home, please take a look at our presentation – we’ll share our blogging stories, some teaching anecdotes, and a bonus presentation on setting up a blog for your classroom and your students – links are included so you can do it from home!

Sending you all my gratitude and thankfulness to my awesome mamawolfe community – you mean the world to me.

~Jennifer

Jennifer Wolfe

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Helicopter Parenting: Are You Giving Your Kid Enough Space?

Posted on November 8, 2017 by Jennifer Wolfe

All of us want the best for our kids. We want our kids to be happy, healthy, and to succeed. One problem with this is that many parents, whether they realize it or not, to try and be in control of everything their child does. Teachers call it “helicopter parenting,” and it can be pretty destructive. The motivation behind this can be pretty understandable; parents want the best for their child, and they aren’t necessarily going to know what’s best for themselves, even as they get older. However, helicopter parenting can often cause more issues than it solves. It leaves a child feeling smothered and under too much pressure which can have serious consequences further down the line. With that in mind, here are a few signs that you might be helicopter parenting and what you can do to give your child a little bit more space.

You dictate their schedule.

Do you know what your child is doing and where they’re going every second of every single day? When they’re young this is pretty understandable; you need to dictate what they do in order to keep them safe. However, as they get older, this might become more and more of an issue for them. After all, no teenager or college student wants their schedule to be in the hands of their parents. This kind of strict scheduling is a tough habit to break, but if you can’t break it, then you could end up with some serious issues at home. Kids are hard-wired to rebel if they feel trapped and putting too many limits on what they can and can’t do is going to make that much more likely.

They rarely have their own time.

It’s great to give your child a lot of things to do. Whether it’s sports, dance, or any other activity, it’s tempting to fill up their time with as many “productive” things as possible. Kids love trying new things and keeping busy is a great way to help them avoid getting bored. But there’s a point where it becomes too much. It’s important to remember that kids need totally free time as much as they do structure. Being able just to sit around, read a book, talk to their friends, or watch TV is something that every kid needs, especially as they get older. Once they get to college, that kind of time is not only fun but crucial for their overall wellbeing. If they’re doing too much, they’re going to end up burning out from stress and exhaustion.

They feel a lot of pressure.

It can often be hard to see whether or not you’re putting too much pressure on your child. What you see as support and enthusiasm might be making life a lot harder for them. Kids want to impress people, especially their parents, and if you base your impression of them on all of the things that they can do, they’re going to start putting huge amounts of pressure on themselves that simply isn’t healthy. Make sure that you remind your child that they don’t have to be some kind of high achiever to win your approval and that you love and care for them just the way that they are.

Are you a helicopter parent?

What can do you?

Give them some space.

This is the most important thing that you can do, especially as kids get older. Make sure that you’re giving your kids space to do whatever like from time to time. Even if it’s just something like lazing around all day long in front of the TV. Sure, it’s not how you would like them to spend their time, but it’s often something kids, and especially teenagers, like to do in order to recharge their batteries. By giving them space, you might think that they’re going to forget all of their responsibilities, but there’s actually a pretty solid chance that your child is going to keep up with things like work and chores, it’s just that they’ll feel much more motivated to do it because they don’t have someone else putting pressure on them, and they’re doing it entirely themselves.

Provide them with help from a distance.

Of course, just because you’re trying to give them the space that they really need doesn’t mean that you’re going to abandon them. It’s incredibly important that you’re there for them and that you’re providing help when they need it, it’s just that you might want to try doing so from a bit of a distance. Doing things like sending care packages to your child at college or pointing them in the direction of services like GradeBuddy can be incredibly helpful to them without making them feel like you’re hovering over them. The truth is, if your child really needs your help, then there’s a pretty good chance that they’re going to just ask for it. It’s your job as a parent to be there when they need you.

Offer them emotional support.

The most important thing that you can do for your child is to be there for them emotionally. Kids have a tendency to put a lot of pressure on themselves. This is true for kids both young and old, and it’s your duty as a parent to make sure that they know that they don’t need to. Make sure that your child is always sure that you are there for them and that you love them no matter what happens. It might feel as though that’s something that they should obviously know, but it’s always a good idea to remind them that you love them unconditionally and that you’re in their corner every step of the way.

Jennifer Wolfe

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Inside The Mind of a Teacher-Mom: Poetry by Kaveri Patel

Posted on November 6, 2017 by Jennifer Wolfe

Going inside the mind of a teacher-mom in November feels so much like this beautiful poem by Kaveri Patel. The newness of the school year has worn off. Old habits replace the eagerness for a fresh start. Tired kids and tired teachers feed off of a desire for the long, long month to just pause, to stop the spinning and pay attention to the change of season.

I’ve written before about the teacher-mom balance. I know so many who relate to feeling like they’re pulled in too many directions and it will only take the slightest bend in a new way to s.n.a.p.

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?

You feel it.

It doesn’t help that pumpkin is already being replaced by holiday silver glitter, subtly reminding us that there are only how many days left until the holiday season?

I know. I feel it.

I’m trying to stop, to listen to the wind tossing the branches against my bedroom window, to smell the last roses blooming in my backyard, to sip my coffee slowly and deliberately each morning as I attempt to fill my mind with an intention for the day.

It is with this deep gratitude and connection to all the parents and teachers trying to do their best, every day, that I share these words by Kaveri Patel with you today:

Inside The Mind of a Teacher-Mom: Poetry by Kaveri Patel

Dear you,
you who always have
so many things to do
so many places to be
your mind spinning like
fan blades at high speed
each moment always a blur
because you’re never still

I know you’re tired
I also know it’s not your fault
The constant brain-buzz is like
a swarm of bees threatening
to sting if you close your eyes
You’ve forgotten something again
You need to prepare for that or else
You should have done that differently

What if you closed your eyes?
Would the world fall
apart without you?
Or would your mind
become the open sky
flock of thoughts
flying across the sunrise
as you just watched and smiled

~ Kaveri Patel

I found this gem of a poem on A First Sip: Inspiration for Happiness, Love and Peace – if you haven’t checked out their website yet, I hope my sharing this gentle reminder helps bring more gentle beauty into your life today.

Jennifer Wolfe

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Happiness Hacks For October 2017

Posted on November 3, 2017 by Jennifer Wolfe

Woohoo! October is wrapping up! If you’re a teacher, October is THE LONGEST month, and ends on a lovely day/days/week full of sugar, hyped-up kids, costumes and MORE SUGAR! Plus, it’s the month with the lowest energy for teachers and students…I’m happy to see the calendar change for November. But to end the month on a positive note, I’ve collected some of my favorite tips to share with you – enjoy my Happiness Hacks For October 2017!

Happiness Hacks For October 2017: Happy At Home

I kept super busy in October – for teachers, the ‘honeymoon’ is wearing off and the grind towards the end of first quarter begins. For teacher-moms, it’s a double dose of stress – especially for me this year, when my ‘baby’ boy is writing college essays and applying early decision for his top school…trying to avoid overwhelm amongst all this goodness is huge.

I’m a huge list maker by nature, and with the launch of Google Keep a few months ago now I’ve got both digital and hard copy notes..but it was getting a bit much, I must admit. I love the Google Keep notes for on-the-go voice typing of things I don’t want to forget, but I’m most productive when I’ve got a paper to-do list right in front of me. But when that list is front and back….I needed to make a change. I decided to try my classroom workflow strategy of must do – should do – could do to help me prioritize at home, and it worked! I used the large, lined sticky notes to prioritize tasks and move undone lists to the next week without having to rewrite everything. I can’t say the lists are eliminated, but I can say that I’m not as overwhelmed with trying to remember what needed to be finished by when, and even dreadful chores like filing the FAFSA were somehow completed early! WIN!

Happiness Hacks For October 2017: A Bit Of Reading Time

I’m still determined to make my Goodreads 2017 challenge of completing 37 books…my free time is slowing down, but I still cherish my reading time. All screens are going off by 9:00 p.m. each night, and if I still have some brain power left I’m turning pages. In October I chose two books that had been languishing on my shelf for nearly a year – The Ladies of Managua by Eleni N. Gage and The Book of Night Women by Marlon James. In a fit of procrastination late one night, I decided to search Goodreads to see which of my ‘shelfie’ books had the highest ratings and start there. These two were tops – for good reason.

The Ladies of Managua by Eleni N. Gage caught me completely by surprise – I originally bought it because of my love of Nicaragua and wasn’t disappointed. Gage smoothly weaves elements of the Nicaraguan culture into her generational narrative of three independent women, connected by blood and history. At times I was comparing it to Isabel Allende’s great novel The Japanese Lover – the flashbacks blending in a historical narrative alongside contemporary Nicaragua deepened my understanding of the country’s disturbing background while solidifying my love for the joyful, loving culture I’ve come to adore.

The Book of Night Women by Marlon James, however equally compelling, was one of the hardest books I’ve read in years. Winner of the Dayton 2010 Literary Peace Prize, Night Women echoes the writing of Toni Morrisson’s Beloved (one of my all-time favorite books) in the telling of the story of Lilith, a Jamaican slave living at the end of the eighteenth century. This is not an easy read, and is definitely a commitment of time and spirit – but honestly, as difficult as James’ realistic, sometimes horrific, descriptions of life as a female slave were, forcing me to want to avert my eyes at the words on the page just to let the images flee my mind, I absolutely could not put it down. The Washington Post describes The Book of Night Women as ‘darkly powerful’ for good reason. In today’s turbulent times, this story sheds light on the history of slavery what we might not want to see, but must understand.

Happiness Hacks For October 2017: Wise Words

Have you heard of Brad Montague? How about Kid President? You really need to. Brad created the video series featuring Kid President about five years ago because he wanted to make the world a more awesome place, and I absolutely fell in love with their short messages. Three years ago Brad inspired me to engage my AVID classes in #Socktober – an annual drive we do to collect socks for people living homeless in our community. It’s such a cool thing. Last weekend I was near happy-tears while listening to Brad give the keynote at the fall CUE conference- his message to all adults about “how can I be a better grown up?” and becoming a “Possibilitarian” full of “Wisdom, Wonder, and Whimsy” hit just the right vulnerable spot in my heart.

Oh yeah – I got to meet him, too!

So often lately we’re hearing about all the horrible, unkind, mean-spirited actions going on in our world. Daily I see kids coming in my classroom full of sadness, fear, and anxiety. Listening to Brad speak reminded me that it is my daily responsibility to “to create things the way they could be” – in my home, my work, and my community. Be sure to check out Brad’s website, Montagueworkshop.com/wonder, and see his joy-full rebellion in action! Here’s one of my favorite Kid President videos – I show it in my classroom every year:

Happiness Hacks For October 2017: Teacher Hacks

Teachers, I’m obsessed with Hyperdocs, and everything they’ve done for my students. Did you catch my post about teaching writing with hyperdocs? The more I learn, the better my teaching gets – and I wanted to share a cool hyperdoc I got from my friend Kevin Feramisco, who got it from the original creator, Heather Marshall (that’s how hyperdocs work, folks!). I’ve struggled with teaching 8th graders how to integrate quotes into their writing, adding intros and explanations, for years. Finally, this hyperdoc on quote analysis nailed it! I love how kids first take the quote and break it down – critical thinking about the speaker and audience, context, significance, literary devices, and connections, then ‘putting it all together’ with an assist from some academic language frames…brilliant! Then, I had students share their analysis paragraphs on Padlet and taught them about how to comment…by reading other people’s writing the magic began happening fast! I started with four quotes from the novel we were reading, (one quote per hyperdoc) and by the last one, they were writing and commenting like rock stars! You can #filemakeacopy of my adaptation of the hyperdoc here.

Feel free to adapt, change, adjust the hyperdoc to meet your needs – just keep our names there, and add yours!

Happiness Hacks For October 2017: Something Yummy

An amazing recipe for Pumpkin Bread, of course! from Alton Brown – found on my fave new app Food Network’s “In The Kitchen”. I’ve made this recipe several times using canned pumpkin and omitting the nuts – it’s devoured in a day! The link will also take you to a fun Alton Brown video showing how he makes this super yummy recipe!

Happiness Hacks For October 2017: Listen Up, Podcast Lovers

Oprah’s Super Soul Conversation Series has become my go-to podcast at the end of a long day, or when I just want to relax and not think about teaching or writing or parenting…it’s just soooo good! Her interviewees are so intriguing, the podcasts are fairly short (under 30 minutes) and it calms me down and makes me think about life in the big picture. I find myself jotting down ideas to delve into, or texting a link to my friends who would enjoy a particular episode. Check it out – it’s well worth your time.

I hope these Happiness Hacks help ease you into busy November!

Love,

Jennifer

Background on my Happiness Hacks series:

Years ago I started a gratitude journal – just a daily addition to my morning pages that documented the ordinary things that I was grateful for – simple things that made me happy.

During this time I read Gretchen Rubin‘s book, The Happiness Project – Gretchen’s writing and podcasts inspired me to create what I hope are monthly lists of ‘happiness hacks’ – small, simple acts or moments in life that bring me happiness and maybe they’ll rub off on you, too. You can read my essay inspired by Gretchen’s other book, Happier At Home here.

In June 2017 I started with my first set of ‘happiness hacks’, and loved the responses I received on the post and on social media. Turns out, you do things to make yourselves happy, too.

You can read my past “happiness hacks” posts below:

Happiness Hacks For September 2017

Happiness Hacks For August 2017: Bring More Gratitude Into Your Life

Happiness Hacks: July 2017 To Bring More Gratitude Into Your Life

Jennifer Wolfe

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Inside The Mind of a Teacher-Mom: Poetry by Kaveri Patel

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Happiness Hacks For October 2017: Happy At Home

Happiness Hacks For October 2017: A Bit Of Reading Time

Happiness Hacks For October 2017: Wise Words

Happiness Hacks For October 2017: Teacher Hacks

Happiness Hacks For October 2017: Something Yummy

Happiness Hacks For October 2017: Listen Up, Podcast Lovers